[ ]   [ ]   [ ]                        [ ]      [ ]   [ ]

Israel - thisbody - Jun 23, 2024 - 1:02pm
 
Joe Biden - R_P - Jun 23, 2024 - 11:42am
 
The Dragons' Roost - triskele - Jun 23, 2024 - 10:51am
 
NY Times Strands - Proclivities - Jun 23, 2024 - 10:26am
 
Radio Paradise Comments - GeneP59 - Jun 23, 2024 - 10:24am
 
NYTimes Connections - maryte - Jun 23, 2024 - 10:05am
 
Wordle - daily game - maryte - Jun 23, 2024 - 9:50am
 
How do you create optimism? - R_P - Jun 23, 2024 - 9:20am
 
BEATLES Make History AGAIN!! - thisbody - Jun 23, 2024 - 9:12am
 
TV shows you watch - R_P - Jun 23, 2024 - 8:57am
 
Today in History - Red_Dragon - Jun 23, 2024 - 8:36am
 
Bug Reports & Feature Requests - Red_Dragon - Jun 23, 2024 - 8:27am
 
Things You Thought Today - islander - Jun 23, 2024 - 8:17am
 
Congress - R_P - Jun 22, 2024 - 5:53pm
 
Prog Rockers Anonymous - thisbody - Jun 22, 2024 - 3:34pm
 
Song of the Day - thisbody - Jun 22, 2024 - 3:32pm
 
What do you snack on? - thisbody - Jun 22, 2024 - 3:20pm
 
Photography Forum - Your Own Photos - Alchemist - Jun 22, 2024 - 2:44pm
 
What did you have for dinner? - triskele - Jun 22, 2024 - 2:31pm
 
Jam! (why should a song stop) - thisbody - Jun 22, 2024 - 1:53pm
 
June 2024 Photo Theme - Eyes - fractalv - Jun 22, 2024 - 1:46pm
 
Things I Saw Today... - R_P - Jun 22, 2024 - 1:38pm
 
Trump - kcar - Jun 22, 2024 - 12:41pm
 
Some bands or songs are recurring too much in Rock channe... - mlebihan29 - Jun 22, 2024 - 9:26am
 
Fox Spews - R_P - Jun 22, 2024 - 9:19am
 
Sonos - thatslongformud - Jun 22, 2024 - 6:18am
 
Name My Band - DaveInSaoMiguel - Jun 22, 2024 - 4:44am
 
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •  - thisbody - Jun 21, 2024 - 4:26pm
 
Too much classic rock lately? - thisbody - Jun 21, 2024 - 4:01pm
 
Girls Just Want to Have Fun - oldviolin - Jun 21, 2024 - 2:22pm
 
Musky Mythology - R_P - Jun 21, 2024 - 12:26pm
 
2024 Elections! - R_P - Jun 21, 2024 - 12:20pm
 
Electronic Music - Manbird - Jun 21, 2024 - 12:14pm
 
LeftWingNutZ - Steely_D - Jun 21, 2024 - 8:07am
 
The Obituary Page - ColdMiser - Jun 21, 2024 - 7:56am
 
RightWingNutZ - Red_Dragon - Jun 20, 2024 - 6:39pm
 
Basketball - GeneP59 - Jun 20, 2024 - 4:53pm
 
Gotta Get Your Drink On - Antigone - Jun 20, 2024 - 4:04pm
 
USA! USA! USA! - R_P - Jun 20, 2024 - 2:10pm
 
Shall We Dance? - Steely_D - Jun 20, 2024 - 1:18pm
 
Predictions - oldviolin - Jun 20, 2024 - 11:18am
 
Lyrics That Remind You of Someone - oldviolin - Jun 20, 2024 - 11:10am
 
Ukraine - R_P - Jun 20, 2024 - 10:41am
 
Just Wrong - ColdMiser - Jun 20, 2024 - 7:43am
 
Pink Floyd Set? - Coaxial - Jun 20, 2024 - 5:46am
 
Whatever happened to Taco Wagon? - Coaxial - Jun 19, 2024 - 6:14pm
 
favorite love songs - oldviolin - Jun 19, 2024 - 3:09pm
 
Outstanding Covers - pope183 - Jun 19, 2024 - 2:50pm
 
Climate Change - R_P - Jun 19, 2024 - 12:34pm
 
SCOTUS - ColdMiser - Jun 19, 2024 - 7:15am
 
20+ year listeners? - islander - Jun 18, 2024 - 7:41pm
 
Baseball, anyone? - rgio - Jun 18, 2024 - 5:02pm
 
Other Medical Stuff - miamizsun - Jun 18, 2024 - 2:35pm
 
Hello from Greece! - miamizsun - Jun 18, 2024 - 2:35pm
 
Europe - R_P - Jun 18, 2024 - 9:33am
 
What Are You Going To Do Today? - KurtfromLaQuinta - Jun 16, 2024 - 8:57pm
 
What Did You See Today? - Manbird - Jun 16, 2024 - 2:39pm
 
Geomorphology - kurtster - Jun 16, 2024 - 1:29pm
 
Artificial Intelligence - thisbody - Jun 16, 2024 - 10:53am
 
The Chomsky / Zinn Reader - thisbody - Jun 16, 2024 - 10:42am
 
Football, soccer, futbol, calcio... - thisbody - Jun 16, 2024 - 8:35am
 
No stream after station ID - arlen.nelson969 - Jun 15, 2024 - 2:29pm
 
Business as Usual - kurtster - Jun 15, 2024 - 9:53am
 
What Makes You Laugh? - Antigone - Jun 14, 2024 - 7:04pm
 
Lyrics that strike a chord today... - oldviolin - Jun 14, 2024 - 3:15pm
 
China - R_P - Jun 14, 2024 - 2:59pm
 
what the hell, miamizsun? - oldviolin - Jun 14, 2024 - 2:08pm
 
Religion - Steely_D - Jun 14, 2024 - 1:28pm
 
Vinyl Only Spin List - kurtster - Jun 14, 2024 - 8:56am
 
Solar / Wind / Geothermal / Efficiency Energy - Proclivities - Jun 14, 2024 - 6:42am
 
Florida - R_P - Jun 13, 2024 - 3:35pm
 
Democratic Party - thisbody - Jun 13, 2024 - 9:08am
 
Strips, cartoons, illustrations - thisbody - Jun 13, 2024 - 8:56am
 
Animal Resistance - thisbody - Jun 13, 2024 - 8:04am
 
New Music - lievendegrauwe - Jun 13, 2024 - 12:43am
 
Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » ~ Have a good joke you can post? ~ Page: 1, 2, 3 ... 311, 312, 313  Next
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black321

black321 Avatar

Location: An earth without maps
Gender: Male


Posted: Mar 7, 2024 - 12:17pm

A child asked his father, “what’s a democrat?”

The father replied, “someone who wants everything you have, except your job!”
DaveInSaoMiguel

DaveInSaoMiguel Avatar

Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 18, 2023 - 2:21pm

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

BOAT OWNER: "Well, there's Clarence, my deck hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen beers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."

IRS AUDITOR: "That's The guy I'm here to talk to, the mentally challenged one."

BOAT OWNER: "That would be me. What would you like to know?"



Steely_D

Steely_D Avatar

Location: Biscayne Bay
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 31, 2023 - 6:23pm

 thisbody wrote:

After numerous rounds of, “We don’t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, “Tell Kennedy he’s holding the message upside down.”



Osama, Ted Kennedy, and Peter Noone? I'm lost. 

thisbody

thisbody Avatar

Location: North (doubtful)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 31, 2023 - 3:06pm

After numerous rounds of, “We don’t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, “Tell Kennedy he’s holding the message upside down.”
lily34

lily34 Avatar

Location: GTFO
Gender: Female


Posted: Jul 31, 2023 - 12:59pm

 Bill_J wrote:

My wife called out from the bedroom asking, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone has a voodoo doll of you and is stabbing at it?"
I replied, No."
After a short pause she then asked, "How about now?"





Bill_J

Bill_J Avatar



Posted: Jul 31, 2023 - 12:39pm

My wife called out from the bedroom asking, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone has a voodoo doll of you and is stabbing at it?"
I replied, No."
After a short pause she then asked, "How about now?"
lily34

lily34 Avatar

Location: GTFO
Gender: Female


Posted: Jul 31, 2023 - 11:58am

 thisbody wrote:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” The dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your mother, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.”




  
thisbody

thisbody Avatar

Location: North (doubtful)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 31, 2023 - 11:53am

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” The dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your mother, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.”
Steely_D

Steely_D Avatar

Location: Biscayne Bay
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 30, 2023 - 2:08pm

 oldviolin wrote:



We used to have his records at home before he became a bumpkin Graham Kerr. He was originally doing safety lectures at the refinery, and found that they'd listen to him when he did the funny character. Eventually, a legendary stand up. Then, in his old age, a PBS chef. 
His albums were mandatory at many a drunken parents' party. 

oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 30, 2023 - 9:15am


thisbody

thisbody Avatar

Location: North (doubtful)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 30, 2023 - 7:58am

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “It tells me that someone has stolen our tent.”
Bill_J

Bill_J Avatar



Posted: Jul 29, 2023 - 5:33pm

 Manbird wrote:

Hello darkness my old friend...



I stood up too fast again



And my vision's slowly fading
and other senses are degrading...
Manbird

Manbird Avatar

Location: La Villa Toscana
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 29, 2023 - 4:03pm

Hello darkness my old friend...



I stood up too fast again
DaveInSaoMiguel

DaveInSaoMiguel Avatar

Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 29, 2023 - 11:30am

An oldie but a goodie...

Jim Mooney had been retired for a few years when suddenly he received a summons one day from the IRS. He’s been selected randomly for a tax audit, so he decides it might be wise if he takes his attorney with him.

Unsurprised by the attorney’s presence, the IRS auditor explains the procedure and then says to Jim, “Mr Mooney, we have been reviewing your affairs and it appears that you have an extravagant lifestyle and yet you’re not in full-time employment nor do you have any other obvious sources of income. You’ve explained this by saying that you win money gambling. Well, sir, I have to tell you, the IRS doesn’t believe that’s a credible explanation.”

“Well I am a skilled gambler,” says Jim, “and I can prove it to you if you’re willing to participate in a wager with me.”

The IRS auditor considers this proposition momentarily and then says, “Yes, I’m willing to give that a try, so go ahead.”

Right,” says Jim, “I’ll bet you one thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.” The IRS auditor considers this carefully and decides that it’s impossible.

“OK then Mr Mooney,” he says, “You have a bet.”

At this point, and to the IRS auditor’s great surprise, Jim removes his glass eye and then bites it. The auditor sits there in stunned silence, Jim then says, “I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

Mr Mooney isn’t blind, so he can’t have another glass eye, thinks the auditor. That’s got to be impossible, surely? So, the auditor accepts the bet.

So, Jim removes his dentures and then bites his good eye. The auditor is stunned, once again, as he now realizes he’s lost three grand and Jim has his attorney as a witness. Naturally, the auditor is starting to get a little nervous.

“Want to go again?” asks Jim.. “What do you have in mind now?” asks the auditor. Jim smiles and says, “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on this side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket next to your chair, without a single drop going anywhere in between.”

The auditor, realizing now that he’s dealing with a wily old fox, is feeling very cautious. However he thinks carefully about the proposition and he decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees.

Jim stands in front of the desk, lowers his zipper, and strains mightily but the trajectory of his pee fails to reach the wastebasket and splashes all over the auditor’s desk. The auditor is both ecstatic and relieved. He’s just turned a major loss into a huge win for him.

However, Jim’s attorney in obvious pain puts his head in his hands face-down on the auditor’s desk.

“What’s the matter?” asked the auditor. “When my client asked me to attend this audit today,” the attorney responded, “he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
Steely_D

Steely_D Avatar

Location: Biscayne Bay
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 28, 2023 - 6:32pm

 Bill_J wrote:
That was horrible. IMHO.

Yep. Not sure what was "funny" about it. Of course, don't know if mine was any better...

Bill_J

Bill_J Avatar



Posted: Jul 28, 2023 - 5:43pm

 thisbody wrote:
An old joke, befitting a sense of oneself, often portrayed in public:

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?”
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right f***ing number!” and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘‘wrong’’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re an asshole!” and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘‘asshole’’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’'re an asshole!” It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘‘asshole’’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?”

He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an asshole!” and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’'d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I’d better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
He said, “Yes, it is.” I asked, “Can you tell me where I can see it?”

He said, “Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It’s a yellow rambler, and the car’s parked right out in front.”
I asked, “What’'s your name?”
He said, “My name is Don Hansen,”
I asked, “When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
He said, “I’'m home every evening after five.”
I said, “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
He said, “Yes?”
I said, “Don, you’re an asshole!”

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole 1.
He said, “Hello.”
I said, “You’re an asshole!” (But I didn’'t hang up.)
He asked, “Are you still there?”
I said, “Yeah,”
He screamed, “Stop calling me,”
I said, “Make me,”
He asked, “Who are you?”
I said, “My name is Don Hansen.”
He said, “Yeah? Where do you live?”

I said, “Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’'m really scared, asshole,” and hung up.
Then I called Asshole no. 2.
He said, “Hello?”
I said, “Hello, asshole,”
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”
I said, “You’ll what?”
He exclaimed, “I’ll kick your ass,” I answered, “Well, asshole, here’‘s your chance. I’'m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work!


That was horrible. IMHO.
Steely_D

Steely_D Avatar

Location: Biscayne Bay
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 28, 2023 - 5:06pm

A few weeks after drummer and noted jerkface Buddy Rich died, the phone rings at his house. His widow answers.
"Hello, is Buddy there?"
"Buddy Rich is dead."
"Oh." click.

a few days later the phone rings.
"Hello, is Buddy there?"
"Buddy Rich is dead."
"Oh." click.

a few days later, the phone rings and she picks it up again.
"Hello, is Buddy there?"
"I told you, Buddy Rich is dead. Why do you keep calling me?"
"I just like to hear it."


thisbody

thisbody Avatar

Location: North (doubtful)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 28, 2023 - 3:50pm

An old joke, befitting a sense of oneself, often portrayed in public:

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?”
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right f***ing number!” and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘‘wrong’’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re an asshole!” and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘‘asshole’’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’'re an asshole!” It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘‘asshole’’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?”

He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an asshole!” and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’'d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I’d better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
He said, “Yes, it is.” I asked, “Can you tell me where I can see it?”

He said, “Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It’s a yellow rambler, and the car’s parked right out in front.”
I asked, “What’'s your name?”
He said, “My name is Don Hansen,”
I asked, “When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
He said, “I’'m home every evening after five.”
I said, “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
He said, “Yes?”
I said, “Don, you’re an asshole!”

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole 1.
He said, “Hello.”
I said, “You’re an asshole!” (But I didn’'t hang up.)
He asked, “Are you still there?”
I said, “Yeah,”
He screamed, “Stop calling me,”
I said, “Make me,”
He asked, “Who are you?”
I said, “My name is Don Hansen.”
He said, “Yeah? Where do you live?”

I said, “Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’'m really scared, asshole,” and hung up.
Then I called Asshole no. 2.
He said, “Hello?”
I said, “Hello, asshole,”
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”
I said, “You’ll what?”
He exclaimed, “I’ll kick your ass,” I answered, “Well, asshole, here’‘s your chance. I’'m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work!
DaveInSaoMiguel

DaveInSaoMiguel Avatar

Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 28, 2023 - 9:07am

Mommy! Mommy! Billy threw up and Suzy's getting the big pieces!
thisbody

thisbody Avatar

Location: North (doubtful)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 28, 2023 - 9:01am

A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse, so he went to check it out. The horse’s owner said, “It’s easy to ride him. Just say ‘Praise the Lord!’ to make him go and ‘Amen!’ to make him stop.” Bill got on the horse and said, “Praise the Lord!” Sure enough, the horse started to walk. “Praise the Lord!” he said again, and the horse began to trot. “Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!” he yelled, and the horse broke into a gallop. Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn’t notice the cliff he and the horse were about to go over. Bill shouted “AMEN!” at the top of his lungs, and the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. Relieved, Bill said, “Phew! Praise the Lord!”
Page: 1, 2, 3 ... 311, 312, 313  Next