oldslabsides wrote: 

is that a rhetorical answer? I think he was a plant anyway...

Well, I guess we can stop talking about this old, daughter-lusting perv with really bizarre hair now, eh?

 meower wrote: 
the donald. that's awesome.

 hippiechick wrote: 

Comedians Beg Trump to Reconsider

20,000 Jokers March on Trump Tower

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Distraught at the news that Donald Trump will not seek the Republican nomination for President, the nation’s comedians took to the streets today, begging Mr. Trump to reconsider.

The largest gathering of comedians took place in Mr. Trump’s hometown of Manhattan, where an estimated crowd of 400,000 jokers marched on Trump Tower.

“I for one am devastated that Donald Trump has decided not to throw his hair in the ring,” said Jackie LaRossi, a comedian who is a regular at Manhattan’s Chuckle Barrel comedy club.

Shelley Schwartzenbaum, who headlines at the Komedy Kantina in Teaneck, New Jersey, added, “I guess he wanted to spend more time with the family of ferrets who nest on his head.”

A huge roar came up from the crowd when Mr. Trump made a brief appearance, reassuring the comedians that he would continue to be a laughingstock in the private sector.

But according to Mr. LaRossi, Mr. Trump’s departure from the race will have a severe economic impact on a comedy industry that is still reeling from last fall’s defeat of Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell.

“Sure, we’re happy that Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul are in, but frankly, that’s not enough to compensate for Trump being out,” he said.  “In the days and weeks ahead you’re going to see comedians putting more pressure on Palin to announce.”

In other political news, IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn said the sexual misconduct charges against him would force him to drop out of the race for President of France and run for Prime Minister of Italy instead.

 hippiechick wrote: 
That made me lol

Trump Undecided About What Stupid Shit to Say Next

Longest Period of Speechlessness on Record, Experts Say

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - With the public’s attention focused on the death of Osama bin Laden, billionaire Donald Trump huddled with advisors for the second straight day to try to decide what stupid shit to say next.

“The bin Laden thing has definitely stolen the headlines from Donald,” said close associate and advisor Tracy Klugian.  “The only way he can grab them back is by doing what he does best: saying something really fucked up.”

Trump’s two-day hiatus from spewing messed up shit is the longest on record, experts say, adding to the pressure on the billionaire to break his silence with something truly craptastic.

To that end, he has closeted himself with a circle of advisors including the Rev. Pat Robertson, former NBA star Charles Barkley, and the former voice of the Aflac duck, Gilbert Gottfried.

Mr. Trump has drawn up a short list of verbal turds that have potential, including attacking President Obama for overdue library books during his grade school years, but so far he has failed to come up with a comment that is both objectionable and ill informed enough to meet his high standards.

“People don’t know how much work goes into saying the stupid shit Donald says,” Mr. Klugian said.  “He just makes it look easy.”

Elsewhere, in another setback for al-Qaeda, the terror network confirmed today that Osama bin Laden was the only person who knew the organization’s iTunes password.

 Steve wrote: 
Or this Earth.

THE SHOCKING TRUTH BEHIND THE DONALD'S HAIR REVEALED

Trump Dogged By Rumors His Hair is Not From U.S.