Economix
- Lazy8 - Jun 8, 2024 - 8:55am
China
- Beaker - Jun 8, 2024 - 8:49am
Today in History
- Red_Dragon - Jun 8, 2024 - 8:43am
NASA & other news from space
- Beaker - Jun 8, 2024 - 8:23am
Radio Paradise Comments
- miamizsun - Jun 8, 2024 - 7:24am
NYTimes Connections
- Coaxial - Jun 8, 2024 - 6:46am
Wordle - daily game
- Coaxial - Jun 8, 2024 - 6:41am
NY Times Strands
- Bill_J - Jun 8, 2024 - 6:24am
Live Music
- oldviolin - Jun 7, 2024 - 10:03pm
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •
- oldviolin - Jun 7, 2024 - 9:54pm
TEXAS
- R_P - Jun 7, 2024 - 8:36pm
Republican Party
- kcar - Jun 7, 2024 - 8:11pm
favorite love songs
- Manbird - Jun 7, 2024 - 8:06pm
Lyrics that are stuck in your head today...
- Manbird - Jun 7, 2024 - 8:04pm
Song of the Day
- oldviolin - Jun 7, 2024 - 7:54pm
What the hell OV?
- oldviolin - Jun 7, 2024 - 7:42pm
Things You Thought Today
- Antigone - Jun 7, 2024 - 4:11pm
Israel
- R_P - Jun 7, 2024 - 2:50pm
Can you afford to retire?
- JrzyTmata - Jun 7, 2024 - 2:05pm
Old timers, crosswords &
- ScottFromWyoming - Jun 7, 2024 - 12:09pm
Military Matters
- R_P - Jun 7, 2024 - 11:31am
Bug Reports & Feature Requests
- Laptopdog - Jun 7, 2024 - 11:09am
Derplahoma!
- Red_Dragon - Jun 7, 2024 - 8:01am
Joe Biden
- ColdMiser - Jun 7, 2024 - 7:53am
Favorite Quotes
- black321 - Jun 7, 2024 - 7:45am
What makes you smile?
- Red_Dragon - Jun 7, 2024 - 6:32am
June 2024 Photo Theme - Eyes
- fractalv - Jun 6, 2024 - 3:58pm
Artificial Intelligence
- johkir - Jun 6, 2024 - 3:57pm
Gotta Get Your Drink On
- Antigone - Jun 6, 2024 - 2:48pm
Snakes & streaming images. WTH is going on?
- kcar - Jun 6, 2024 - 1:25pm
Cryptic Posts - Leave Them Guessing
- oldviolin - Jun 6, 2024 - 12:35pm
What's with the Sitar? ...and Robert Plant
- thisbody - Jun 6, 2024 - 11:16am
songs that ROCK!
- thisbody - Jun 6, 2024 - 10:39am
USA! USA! USA!
- R_P - Jun 6, 2024 - 8:32am
Mixtape Culture Club
- ColdMiser - Jun 6, 2024 - 7:28am
Climate Change
- Red_Dragon - Jun 6, 2024 - 5:17am
Democratic Party
- kurtster - Jun 5, 2024 - 9:23pm
Name My Band
- Manbird - Jun 5, 2024 - 7:02pm
Canada
- Beaker - Jun 5, 2024 - 1:58pm
the Todd Rundgren topic
- miamizsun - Jun 5, 2024 - 5:00am
Photos you have taken of your walks or hikes.
- MrDill - Jun 5, 2024 - 2:26am
What Makes You Laugh?
- Steely_D - Jun 5, 2024 - 12:44am
What Are You Going To Do Today?
- ScottFromWyoming - Jun 4, 2024 - 9:47pm
Automotive Lust
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Jun 4, 2024 - 9:28pm
Art Show
- Manbird - Jun 4, 2024 - 8:20pm
Bad Poetry
- Isabeau - Jun 4, 2024 - 12:11pm
Classic TV Curiosities
- Isabeau - Jun 4, 2024 - 12:09pm
What's that smell?
- Isabeau - Jun 4, 2024 - 11:50am
Trump
- Red_Dragon - Jun 4, 2024 - 11:05am
Music Videos
- black321 - Jun 4, 2024 - 10:11am
Baseball, anyone?
- ScottFromWyoming - Jun 4, 2024 - 8:28am
Your First Albums
- Manbird - Jun 3, 2024 - 5:42pm
King Crimson
- Steely_D - Jun 3, 2024 - 2:25pm
2024 Elections!
- R_P - Jun 3, 2024 - 10:19am
Your favourite conspiracy theory?
- Beaker - Jun 3, 2024 - 8:00am
Beer
- Red_Dragon - Jun 3, 2024 - 5:20am
Ukraine
- R_P - Jun 2, 2024 - 3:07pm
RP on Twitter
- R_P - Jun 1, 2024 - 2:47pm
Football, soccer, futbol, calcio...
- thisbody - Jun 1, 2024 - 10:20am
What Did You See Today?
- Isabeau - May 31, 2024 - 1:15pm
ONE WORD
- thisbody - May 31, 2024 - 10:39am
May 2024 Photo Theme - Peaceful
- Alchemist - May 30, 2024 - 6:58pm
Human Curated?
- Ipse_Dixit - May 30, 2024 - 2:55pm
Evolution!
- R_P - May 30, 2024 - 12:22pm
Sonos
- konz - May 30, 2024 - 10:26am
Fascism In America
- R_P - May 29, 2024 - 11:01pm
You might be getting old if......
- Bill_J - May 29, 2024 - 6:05pm
Science in the News
- black321 - May 29, 2024 - 11:56am
Roku App - Roku Asterisk Menu
- RPnate1 - May 29, 2024 - 11:15am
Geomorphology
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - May 29, 2024 - 10:56am
The Obituary Page
- Steve - May 29, 2024 - 5:49am
Notification bar on android
- tjux - May 28, 2024 - 10:26pm
Interviews with the artists
- dischuckin - May 28, 2024 - 1:33pm
RightWingNutZ
- R_P - May 28, 2024 - 12:02pm
RP Daily Trivia Challenge
- ScottFromWyoming - May 27, 2024 - 8:24pm
|
Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~
|
Page: Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 25, 26, 27 ... 311, 312, 313 Next |
(former member)
Location: hotel in Las Vegas Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 28, 2011 - 11:11am |
|
DaveInVA wrote:THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD!
That joke has been recycled since airplanes were invented in 1492... go for something original, like—
If George W. Bush had a bundle of bananas, coffee beans, and a quart of fresh cream stuck up his ass, he would smell like cappuccino chiaro...
|
|
KeithGail
Location: High. In the forest.
|
Posted:
Mar 28, 2011 - 11:10am |
|
Two blondes walk into the courthouse...ya think at least one of them would have seen it.
|
|
rosedraws
Location: close to the edge Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 28, 2011 - 10:38am |
|
lunar1963 wrote:Funny, but I still think it's funnier if Bush would have taken the first parachute... more believable too. Guess being a European I don't see Obama for what he really is, according to some of you. Still strikes me as a highly intelligent man, who really tries to lead the country, EDIT: of course I take jokes way too seriously Agree on all points. Whether you like Obama or not, he's not dumb. Bush however? ugh. Yeah for Europe for remaining clear-minded.
|
|
Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 28, 2011 - 10:35am |
|
lunar1963 wrote:
Funny, but I still think it's funnier if Bush would have taken the first parachute...
That's the way it was told when Bush was president. Comes with the job.
|
|
lunar1963
Location: Netherlands Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 28, 2011 - 10:22am |
|
DaveInVA wrote:THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD!
The airplane was in trouble, the pilot strapped on his parachute, told the 3 remaining passengers there were only 2 parachutes left, then he bailed out.
The first passenger, Barack Obama, jumped up and announced... "I am the President of the United States, the chosen one, and the world needs me." Then he grabbed a parachute, put it on and jumped out leaving George Bush and a Boy Scout.
President Bush said to the scout... "I have lived a full life and have served my country, I am a Christian and ready to meet God, you take the last parachute."
The Boy Scout replied, "That's okay Mr. President, there is a parachute for both of us, the smartest man in the world just bailed out with my knapsack."
Funny, but I still think it's funnier if Bush would have taken the first parachute... more believable too. Guess being a European I don't see Obama for what he really is, according to some of you. Still strikes me as a highly intelligent man, who really tries to lead the country, EDIT: of course I take jokes way too seriously
|
|
DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 28, 2011 - 10:16am |
|
THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD!
The airplane was in trouble, the pilot strapped on his parachute, told the 3 remaining passengers there were only 2 parachutes left, then he bailed out.
The first passenger, Barack Obama, jumped up and announced... "I am the President of the United States, the chosen one, and the world needs me." Then he grabbed a parachute, put it on and jumped out leaving George Bush and a Boy Scout.
President Bush said to the scout... "I have lived a full life and have served my country, I am a Christian and ready to meet God, you take the last parachute."
The Boy Scout replied, "That's okay Mr. President, there is a parachute for both of us, the smartest man in the world just bailed out with my knapsack."
|
|
rosedraws
Location: close to the edge Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 24, 2011 - 5:09am |
|
DaveInVA wrote:Seeing as I am a retired engineer......
|
|
JCF
|
Posted:
Mar 23, 2011 - 6:10pm |
|
Know why women sit on the side of the bed in the morning? Because they dont have uno whats to scratch.
|
|
justlistening
Location: So. California Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 23, 2011 - 5:10pm |
|
Nice Dave!
|
|
DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 23, 2011 - 5:04pm |
|
Seeing as I am a retired engineer...... Understanding Engineers It's not possible to understand Engineers. They are strange!! Understanding Engineers #1 Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Understanding Engineers #2 To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers #3 A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" Understanding Engineers #4 What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers #5 The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" Understanding Engineers #6 Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers #7 Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. Understanding Engineers #8 An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool." |
|
|
|
hobiejoe
Location: Still in the tunnel, looking for the light. Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 23, 2011 - 12:52pm |
|
"Darling, would you still love me if you won the lottery?" "Of course, dear. I'll miss you as well."
|
|
Proclivities
Location: Paris of the Piedmont Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 23, 2011 - 12:49pm |
|
Mort: I can have any woman I please.
Joe: Oh, really? So why have you never had a girlfriend or even a date?
Mort: Because I've yet to find a woman I can please.
|
|
NoEnzLefttoSplit
Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 22, 2011 - 3:29pm |
|
romeotuma wrote: A gun owner shot the lion, and the humans were saved...
a gun owner shot the humans and the lions ate the culprit.
|
|
beamends
|
Posted:
Mar 22, 2011 - 3:16pm |
|
Manbird wrote: and then what happened
The scientist proved that the sword is indeed mightier than the word. Too late for the philosopher though, he went first.
|
|
(former member)
Location: hotel in Las Vegas Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 22, 2011 - 2:12pm |
|
Manbird wrote: and then what happened A gun owner shot the lion, and the humans were saved...
|
|
oldviolin
Location: esse quam videri Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 22, 2011 - 1:26pm |
|
Manbird wrote: and then what happened
rock smashes paper
|
|
Manbird
Location: La Villa Toscana Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 22, 2011 - 1:25pm |
|
romeotuma wrote:A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, and he said, "It's no good trying to outrun it— it's catching up." The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied, "I am not trying to outrun the lion... I am trying to outrun you!" and then what happened
|
|
(former member)
Location: hotel in Las Vegas Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 22, 2011 - 12:36pm |
|
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, and he said, "It's no good trying to outrun it— it's catching up." The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied, "I am not trying to outrun the lion... I am trying to outrun you!"
|
|
justlistening
Location: So. California Gender:
|
Posted:
Mar 14, 2011 - 5:53pm |
|
How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
|
|
(former member)
Location: hotel in Las Vegas Gender:
|
Posted:
Feb 27, 2011 - 7:16pm |
|
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
|
|
|