Radio Paradise

I was on an airplane last week, and we hit some rough turbulence as we were detouring through a flock of geese and hang-gliders. It looked like we were going to wind up splattered over the side of a mountain, so I started praying to Gordon Lightfoot because he was the first name I thought of.

and damned if that pilot didn't pull us out of a flat spin next thing. so now I feel like a fool. can I petition this "no-god" god to refund my prayers to Gordon Lightfoot?

That pilot didn't pull you out of that flat spin and you are, in fact, damned. Now you have to face Judgment by a Canadian singer-songwriter who's, well, pretty good but you could have gone with Bruce Cockburn or maybe Leonard Cohen if you wanted to be edgy. Hell, you could have gone retro-funk with Bachman-Turner or super classy with the McGarickle sisters but nooo, you assumed your little travel debacle would merit being memorialized in a classic song on every jukebox in every linoleum-floored diner in an imaginary nostalgic small town, didn't you?

Serves you right. And no refunds on those tickets either.

Lazy8

Location: The Gallatin Valley of Montana
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 9:02pm
winter wrote: If there's no god, is there still a reason to remember Andy Capp? No, there really isn't.

Lazy8

Location: The Gallatin Valley of Montana
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 9:01pm

winter wrote:

Let's suppose my friend Burt lives on the dulled and rusted edge of morality. He wants to steal his cousin's girlfriend, then steal that girlfriend's bank account. If there's no god, who's going to send him to the fires of hell?

The very notion of "stealing" someone's girlfriend denies said girlfriend's agency and characterizes her as mere property. Work on your own issues there, Mr. Raccoon, and maybe you won't drive a girlfriend into someone else's arms.

And we've seen that bank account. Nothing but overdraft fees and bounced checks—honestly she's better off without credit, but I suppose we could organize a bonfire or something. Bring marshmallows and we'll make s'mores.

oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 5:31pm
winter wrote: If there's no god, is there still a reason to remember Andy Capp? Depends. Are you pub forward?

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 4:28pm

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 4:24pm
If there's no god, is there still a reason to remember Andy Capp?

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 4:24pm
Let's suppose my friend Burt lives on the dulled and rusted edge of morality. He wants to steal his cousin's girlfriend, then steal that girlfriend's bank account. If there's no god, who's going to send him to the fires of hell?

Lazy8

Location: The Gallatin Valley of Montana
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 12:02pm
winter wrote: could Amaterasu lift Thor's hammer? what about his crescent wrenches? All tools are hammers if you swing them hard enough, so...why not? Who's going to stop him? I mean, he's got a hammer and a pretty good reach.

Lazy8

Location: The Gallatin Valley of Montana
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 12:00pm
winter wrote: protons, electrons, positrons, omicrons - where does it all end? why can't we just agree that stuff is made of other stuff, as Garfield willed it? The Garfield Hypothesis was ruled ineligible by the NCAA due to a failed drug test. And Omicrons are composed of Pythons and Gamelons per the Treaty of Kanye.

Lazy8

Location: The Gallatin Valley of Montana
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 11:57am
winter wrote: what gods do gods pray to, and why can't we pray to and be ignored by them instead? They sit in a big hottub on Mt. Olympus and worship each other. It's kinda cringy. Feel free to ignore them, they're usually drunk by 2 pm anyway.

Lazy8

Location: The Gallatin Valley of Montana
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 11:54am
winter wrote: will Ayn Rand come to my garden party? if so, how can I get her to leave without ripping all the guests to shreds? Tell her it's a no smoking event and she'll leave in a huff.

oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 11:53am
Lazy8 wrote: The case was ruled a suicide and closed, so Nietzsche is off the hook. Unfortunately he accepted a plea bargain before the inquest was in. At least it was a self-conflicted wound. Womb. Tomb. Something...

Lazy8

Location: The Gallatin Valley of Montana
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 11:53am
winter wrote: if Spiderman prays to Zoroaster to fight Jehovah so he can win a $50 bet, does he have to tithe his winnings (if any)? This is reportable on form 8950-J/i, but falls under the under $76 exemption. Spiderman may be subject to local taxes and fees depending on cumulative winnings and/or damnation.

Lazy8

Location: The Gallatin Valley of Montana
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 11:50am
winter wrote: can Nietzsche be tried at The Hague for the self-confessed crime of deicide? The case was ruled a suicide and closed, so Nietzsche is off the hook. Unfortunately he accepted a plea bargain before the inquest was in.

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 10:47am
could Amaterasu lift Thor's hammer? what about his crescent wrenches?

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 10:46am
protons, electrons, positrons, omicrons - where does it all end? why can't we just agree that stuff is made of other stuff, as Garfield willed it?

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 10:45am
what gods do gods pray to, and why can't we pray to and be ignored by them instead?

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 10:45am
will Ayn Rand come to my garden party? if so, how can I get her to leave without ripping all the guests to shreds?

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 10:44am
if Spiderman prays to Zoroaster to fight Jehovah so he can win a $50 bet, does he have to tithe his winnings (if any)?

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Apr 17, 2025 - 10:43am
can Nietzsche be tried at The Hague for the self-confessed crime of deicide?

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