Joe Biden
- Steely_D - Jun 24, 2024 - 11:58pm
MTV's The Real World
- R_P - Jun 24, 2024 - 11:11pm
Wordle - daily game
- geoff_morphini - Jun 24, 2024 - 9:33pm
Hockey + Fantasy Hockey
- Beaker - Jun 24, 2024 - 9:10pm
RightWingNutZ
- R_P - Jun 24, 2024 - 7:14pm
Things You Thought Today
- R_P - Jun 24, 2024 - 6:46pm
Breaking News
- Red_Dragon - Jun 24, 2024 - 5:35pm
Baseball, anyone?
- rgio - Jun 24, 2024 - 5:02pm
Climate Change
- haresfur - Jun 24, 2024 - 4:24pm
Russia
- haresfur - Jun 24, 2024 - 3:37pm
Radio Paradise Comments
- kcberry5 - Jun 24, 2024 - 2:42pm
USA! USA! USA!
- R_P - Jun 24, 2024 - 2:10pm
Today in History
- R_P - Jun 24, 2024 - 1:04pm
Israel
- R_P - Jun 24, 2024 - 11:40am
NY Times Strands
- rgio - Jun 24, 2024 - 11:04am
NYTimes Connections
- ptooey - Jun 24, 2024 - 10:47am
Outstanding Covers
- oldviolin - Jun 24, 2024 - 10:45am
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •
- oldviolin - Jun 24, 2024 - 9:28am
Little known information... maybe even facts
- Proclivities - Jun 24, 2024 - 8:56am
How do you create optimism?
- R_P - Jun 24, 2024 - 8:27am
China
- R_P - Jun 23, 2024 - 10:04pm
Solar / Wind / Geothermal / Efficiency Energy
- R_P - Jun 23, 2024 - 8:04pm
Strips, cartoons, illustrations
- R_P - Jun 23, 2024 - 7:49pm
favorite love songs
- thisbody - Jun 23, 2024 - 3:35pm
Prog Rockers Anonymous
- thisbody - Jun 23, 2024 - 2:24pm
The Dragons' Roost
- thisbody - Jun 23, 2024 - 2:01pm
Dumb Laws
- thisbody - Jun 23, 2024 - 1:51pm
BEATLES Make History AGAIN!!
- thisbody - Jun 23, 2024 - 9:12am
TV shows you watch
- R_P - Jun 23, 2024 - 8:57am
Bug Reports & Feature Requests
- Red_Dragon - Jun 23, 2024 - 8:27am
Congress
- R_P - Jun 22, 2024 - 5:53pm
Song of the Day
- thisbody - Jun 22, 2024 - 3:32pm
What do you snack on?
- thisbody - Jun 22, 2024 - 3:20pm
Photography Forum - Your Own Photos
- Alchemist - Jun 22, 2024 - 2:44pm
What did you have for dinner?
- triskele - Jun 22, 2024 - 2:31pm
Jam! (why should a song stop)
- thisbody - Jun 22, 2024 - 1:53pm
June 2024 Photo Theme - Eyes
- fractalv - Jun 22, 2024 - 1:46pm
Things I Saw Today...
- R_P - Jun 22, 2024 - 1:38pm
Trump
- kcar - Jun 22, 2024 - 12:41pm
Some bands or songs are recurring too much in Rock channe...
- mlebihan29 - Jun 22, 2024 - 9:26am
Fox Spews
- R_P - Jun 22, 2024 - 9:19am
Sonos
- thatslongformud - Jun 22, 2024 - 6:18am
Name My Band
- DaveInSaoMiguel - Jun 22, 2024 - 4:44am
Too much classic rock lately?
- thisbody - Jun 21, 2024 - 4:01pm
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
- oldviolin - Jun 21, 2024 - 2:22pm
Musky Mythology
- R_P - Jun 21, 2024 - 12:26pm
2024 Elections!
- R_P - Jun 21, 2024 - 12:20pm
Electronic Music
- Manbird - Jun 21, 2024 - 12:14pm
LeftWingNutZ
- Steely_D - Jun 21, 2024 - 8:07am
The Obituary Page
- ColdMiser - Jun 21, 2024 - 7:56am
Basketball
- GeneP59 - Jun 20, 2024 - 4:53pm
Gotta Get Your Drink On
- Antigone - Jun 20, 2024 - 4:04pm
Shall We Dance?
- Steely_D - Jun 20, 2024 - 1:18pm
Predictions
- oldviolin - Jun 20, 2024 - 11:18am
Lyrics That Remind You of Someone
- oldviolin - Jun 20, 2024 - 11:10am
Ukraine
- R_P - Jun 20, 2024 - 10:41am
Just Wrong
- ColdMiser - Jun 20, 2024 - 7:43am
Pink Floyd Set?
- Coaxial - Jun 20, 2024 - 5:46am
Whatever happened to Taco Wagon?
- Coaxial - Jun 19, 2024 - 6:14pm
SCOTUS
- ColdMiser - Jun 19, 2024 - 7:15am
20+ year listeners?
- islander - Jun 18, 2024 - 7:41pm
Other Medical Stuff
- miamizsun - Jun 18, 2024 - 2:35pm
Hello from Greece!
- miamizsun - Jun 18, 2024 - 2:35pm
Europe
- R_P - Jun 18, 2024 - 9:33am
What Are You Going To Do Today?
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Jun 16, 2024 - 8:57pm
What Did You See Today?
- Manbird - Jun 16, 2024 - 2:39pm
Geomorphology
- kurtster - Jun 16, 2024 - 1:29pm
Artificial Intelligence
- thisbody - Jun 16, 2024 - 10:53am
The Chomsky / Zinn Reader
- thisbody - Jun 16, 2024 - 10:42am
Football, soccer, futbol, calcio...
- thisbody - Jun 16, 2024 - 8:35am
No stream after station ID
- arlen.nelson969 - Jun 15, 2024 - 2:29pm
Business as Usual
- kurtster - Jun 15, 2024 - 9:53am
What Makes You Laugh?
- Antigone - Jun 14, 2024 - 7:04pm
Lyrics that strike a chord today...
- oldviolin - Jun 14, 2024 - 3:15pm
what the hell, miamizsun?
- oldviolin - Jun 14, 2024 - 2:08pm
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Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~
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Page: Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 6, 7, 8 ... 311, 312, 313 Next |
Prodigal_SOB
![Prodigal_SOB Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/45684-1569283122.png)
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 10:10am |
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Proclivities wrote: I used to work on a navy base and was having lunch in the consolidated mess when the old salt that was the deputy director for the branch we worked for started in on a tirade about people always misusing the word dock. "A dock IS NOT the thing you walk on! That is a pier. A dock is the space between two finger piers where the ship is." When he had finished I asked him if he had three finger piers would that be a paradox? He didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. It was wonderful.
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Proclivities
![Proclivities Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/76063-1717086023.jpg)
Location: Paris of the Piedmont Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 9:39am |
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Prodigal_SOB wrote:And they're always docking your pay too.
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Prodigal_SOB
![Prodigal_SOB Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/45684-1569283122.png)
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 9:35am |
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aflanigan wrote:I once tried to get work as a stevedore, but I couldn't make it past the pier review process.
HT to miamizsun
And they're always docking your pay too.
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aflanigan
![aflanigan Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/35427-1378831249.jpg)
Location: At Sea Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 8:24am |
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I once tried to get work as a stevedore, but I couldn't make it past the pier review process.
HT to miamizsun
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DaveInSaoMiguel
![DaveInSaoMiguel Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/17680-1685886716.jpg)
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jan 2, 2015 - 3:45pm |
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During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael said: Just a minute I have to go for a leak. The teacher responded by saying: That would be rude and most impolite. The teacher then asked of another student What about you, Sherman, how would you say it? Sherman said: I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. That's better, said the teacher, But it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. Then the teacher looked at our mate, little Johnny, saying And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners. Little Johnny said: I would say: darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, to whom I hope to introduce you after dinner.
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DaveInSaoMiguel
![DaveInSaoMiguel Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/17680-1685886716.jpg)
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Dec 31, 2014 - 10:00am |
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Woman places ad seeking a man who will never hurt her, will never abandon her and who is great in bed. After several candidates being turned down she hears her door bell ring. She opens the door to find an armless and legless man in a wheel chair. She offers him $5 thinking he is collecting for charity but he explains that he is there for the interview. She looks at him and says, "but you have no arms." He replies, "but you wanted a man who would never hit you." The woman then says, "but you have no legs." To which the man replies, "but you wanted a man who would never abandon you." She pauses and then says, "but I also want a man who is great in bed." The man puts on a cheeky grin and says, "so how do you think I managed to ring the door bell? "
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Prodigal_SOB
![Prodigal_SOB Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/45684-1569283122.png)
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Dec 24, 2014 - 3:07pm |
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The Talking Clock:
A man was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends, late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet sitting on the dresser. "What's with that big brass gong?" one of the friends asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", he replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked the astonished friend. "Yup", he replied."How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch:". He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back, smiling proudly. The three stood looking at one another for a moment, as the pulsating resonances filled the room. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "You *%#***!!!. It's three-fifteen in the morning!"
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DaveInSaoMiguel
![DaveInSaoMiguel Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/17680-1685886716.jpg)
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Nov 30, 2014 - 11:51am |
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I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." He replies: "Get out, you moron, you're on my side."
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black321
![black321 Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/1460-1471878064.jpg)
Location: An earth without maps Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 23, 2014 - 1:36pm |
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Myron Greenberg, a wealthy L.A. businessman received a letter of Audit from the IRS. It really upsets him and he called his accountant, Saul Meyers. Myron (pleading): "Saul, what are they doing to me? Why are they doing this to me?" Saul (calming): "Myron, don't worry about it. I've got all the receipts, the account is up to date, it's no problem. But let me give you a bit of advice. When you go to the Audit, make a bad impression. Wear the crummiest, dirtiest clothes you've got. Have holes in your shoes, ripped pants and look shabby. I mean really look terrible, because if they have a little sympathy, they'll go easy on you." Then Myron called his Lawyer, Charlie Steinberg. His Lawyer said: "Myron, it's no problem, I'm sure they got the receipts, I'm sure everything is up to date, you've got a great accountant, don't worry about it. Let me give you a tip. When you go to the Audit, it's very important that you make a good impression. Wear your best suit, and your shirt with a silk tie and cuff links and shine your shoes, look like somebody. Because if you look like a somebody they respect you and will go easy on you." And now he's torn. And that night he bumped into his Rabbi at the Deli. And he told the Rabbi the story. Rabbi: "Myron, it reminds me of sometimes when I perform a wedding. The bride's father will tell his daughter that on her wedding night to wear a nightgown with a high collar and long sleeves and a full-length robe...cover up, you know, be a little demure. And the mother says, 'Don't be silly. Wear a low cut "negligee" with the cleavage sticking out — look a little sexy'... and, Myron, I will say to you just like I say to the bride on her wedding night, it makes no difference what you wear, you're gonna' get fooked".
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miamizsun
![miamizsun Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/9227.jpg)
Location: (3283.1 Miles SE of RP) Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 12, 2014 - 1:34pm |
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What’s The Difference Between a Lottery and An Election? An honest person might win a lottery.
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K_Love
![K_Love Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/40515-1409065486.jpg)
Gender: ![Female](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_female.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Aug 29, 2014 - 10:24pm |
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Guy's walking down the street, and a penguin starts following him. Cop asks the guy why he's walking a penguin. Guy says the penguin just started following him. Cop says to take him to the zoo. Next day, the cop sees the guy and the penguin at a bus stop. The cop asks why the guy didn't take the penguin to the zoo. The guy says, "I did take him to the zoo, and today I'm taking him to the history museum."
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Prodigal_SOB
![Prodigal_SOB Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/45684-1569283122.png)
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:55am |
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ScottN wrote:Good Catch! I knew it wasn't original, and has had many differing versions, but you may have the original??
Edit: My meal is better. Gazpacho?? It is my first recollection of it.
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ScottN
![ScottN Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/36042-1382566545.png)
Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:41am |
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Prodigal_SOB wrote:... Good Catch! I knew it wasn't original, and has had many differing versions, but you may have the original?? Edit: My meal is better. Gazpacho??
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Prodigal_SOB
![Prodigal_SOB Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/45684-1569283122.png)
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:39am |
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ScottN
![ScottN Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/36042-1382566545.png)
Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:33am |
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Man, with his pet fly, walks into a Michelin starred restaurant in Paris and orders:
First: I'll have Quiche au Rouquefort et aux Poireaux with an '82 Beaune du Bucherot (Burgundy) Next, I'll have Grenouilles a la Provencal with an ' 01 Chablis, Montmains, 1er Cru, Domaine Duplessis Then I'll have Le Filet de Saumon au Beurre Rouge.. let's stay with the Chablis. To finish: Fromage, poire, Repas de vilain. And a bottle of your best Sauterne
Oh, please bring some shit for my fly.
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DaveInSaoMiguel
![DaveInSaoMiguel Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/17680-1685886716.jpg)
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jul 19, 2014 - 7:49am |
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My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where the hell I am now...
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lily34
![lily34 Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/8250-1396445311.jpg)
Location: GTFO Gender: ![Female](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_female.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:30am |
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2cats wrote: How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
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2cats
![2cats Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/97279-1336579971.jpg)
Location: Oklahoma Gender: ![Female](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_female.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:28am |
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lily34 wrote: ![](graphics/smiles/icon_yes.gif) and know why those people can't be buried in the cemetary next to their house? because they're not dead yet. How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
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lily34
![lily34 Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/8250-1396445311.jpg)
Location: GTFO Gender: ![Female](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_female.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:50am |
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Coaxial wrote: don't forget to tip your servers!
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Coaxial
![Coaxial Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/2700-1677762359.png)
Location: Comfortably numb in So Texas Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:48am |
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lily34 wrote:from the ultimate collection of cheesy dad jokes files: What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet. Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side." Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room." ![](http://o.aolcdn.com/hss/storage/midas/cdd5644fea1ca55aee1d95e129c40130/200409079/Dad+Jokes.png)
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