You're valid. You're apparently also a self-error-checker (... "error" being purely relative). Don't be wracked with guilt or regret or remorse any longer than you need to allow yourself to be. This connection has changed your life and change doesn't come without pain. But recognize it for what it was; a connection. Not a bad choice, a failure or defeat. It was an experience that you had the courage to have.
... and if it came from your heart, be glad that you have that capacity. Recognize it within yourself.
Find nobility in your choices, make peace with what you've invested.
I'm not speaking to you as someone who knows. I'm speaking to you as someone who has allowed himself to unravel, self-destruct and who now finds himself hoping to recover - physically and mentally. Best wishes.
self-sharing session /off