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how do you feel right now? - GeneP59 - Feb 17, 2020 - 4:08pm
 
Trump - Red_Dragon - Feb 17, 2020 - 4:03pm
 
Democratic Party - Red_Dragon - Feb 17, 2020 - 3:57pm
 
Bug Reports & Feature Requests - blackjellybean - Feb 17, 2020 - 2:14pm
 
Museum Of Bad Album Covers - RabbitEars - Feb 17, 2020 - 2:11pm
 
RP 20th anniversary, Feb 2020 - miamizsun - Feb 17, 2020 - 1:02pm
 
What Makes You Sad? - westslope - Feb 17, 2020 - 11:56am
 
Show us your NEW _______________!!!! - sunybuny - Feb 17, 2020 - 11:45am
 
Radio Paradise Comments - sunybuny - Feb 17, 2020 - 11:41am
 
260,000 Posts in one thread? - oldviolin - Feb 17, 2020 - 10:56am
 
Things You Thought Today - Steely_D - Feb 17, 2020 - 9:54am
 
Family Ties - miamizsun - Feb 17, 2020 - 8:03am
 
Counting with Pictures - Proclivities - Feb 17, 2020 - 6:52am
 
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Google Home - jarro - Feb 16, 2020 - 1:00pm
 
What are you listening to now? - SeriousLee - Feb 16, 2020 - 7:39am
 
Back to the 90's - R_P - Feb 15, 2020 - 7:34pm
 
Maps • Google • GeoGuessr - Ohmsen - Feb 15, 2020 - 5:03pm
 
March Of The Locusts - R_P - Feb 15, 2020 - 3:31pm
 
Today in History - Ohmsen - Feb 15, 2020 - 2:39pm
 
Health Care - R_P - Feb 15, 2020 - 2:29pm
 
Gotta Get Your Drink On - Ohmsen - Feb 15, 2020 - 2:28pm
 
(Big) Media Watch - R_P - Feb 15, 2020 - 12:12pm
 
hAPPY aNNIVERSARY bUZZ and jRZYTMATA - Coaxial - Feb 14, 2020 - 6:28pm
 
Valentine 's - You wouldn't see today... - Antigone - Feb 14, 2020 - 4:05pm
 
Name My Band - buddy - Feb 14, 2020 - 12:41pm
 
Canada - R_P - Feb 14, 2020 - 12:37pm
 
Amazon Products (May Contain Spam) - ScottFromWyoming - Feb 14, 2020 - 12:00pm
 
Best Song Comments. - ScottFromWyoming - Feb 14, 2020 - 8:42am
 
A motivational quote - Proclivities - Feb 14, 2020 - 7:52am
 
Derplahoma Questions and Points of Interest - buddy - Feb 14, 2020 - 7:16am
 
Preferred media player? - haresfur - Feb 13, 2020 - 10:32pm
 
Growing Humanity... - black321 - Feb 13, 2020 - 6:39pm
 
ok, am i crazy? - pilgrim - Feb 13, 2020 - 4:56pm
 
Baseball, anyone? - Red_Dragon - Feb 13, 2020 - 3:25pm
 
The Obituary Page - oldviolin - Feb 13, 2020 - 3:24pm
 
Trump Lies - R_P - Feb 13, 2020 - 2:16pm
 
The House I Want (Today) - miamizsun - Feb 13, 2020 - 1:55pm
 
Bill and Rebecca, Thank You - BillG - Feb 13, 2020 - 1:17pm
 
kurtster's quiet vinyl - kurtster - Feb 13, 2020 - 11:27am
 
Is there any DOG news out there? - Antigone - Feb 13, 2020 - 11:13am
 
Bernie Sanders - R_P - Feb 13, 2020 - 10:45am
 
Business as Usual - R_P - Feb 12, 2020 - 10:37pm
 
Bryston BDP Pi - jbuhl - Feb 12, 2020 - 4:26pm
 
Films you're excited about. - miamizsun - Feb 12, 2020 - 2:28pm
 
Australia Burns - haresfur - Feb 12, 2020 - 1:20pm
 
Immigration - steeler - Feb 12, 2020 - 9:36am
 
FLAC Streaming - icculus - Feb 12, 2020 - 7:35am
 
songs that ROCK! - sirdroseph - Feb 12, 2020 - 6:13am
 
Tech & Science - miamizsun - Feb 12, 2020 - 5:20am
 
New Music - miamizsun - Feb 12, 2020 - 5:16am
 
What Makes You Laugh? - miamizsun - Feb 12, 2020 - 4:59am
 
Strips, cartoons, illustrations - R_P - Feb 11, 2020 - 8:28pm
 
YouTube: Music-Videos - oppositelock - Feb 11, 2020 - 6:07pm
 
Those lovable acronym guys & gals - R_P - Feb 11, 2020 - 5:43pm
 
WTF??!! - Steely_D - Feb 11, 2020 - 5:12pm
 
Other Medical Stuff - haresfur - Feb 11, 2020 - 4:05pm
 
2020 Elections - miamizsun - Feb 11, 2020 - 1:12pm
 
Taxes, Taxes, Taxes (and Taxes) - rgio - Feb 11, 2020 - 11:16am
 
Corrections - ScottFromWyoming - Feb 11, 2020 - 8:40am
 
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~ - Steely_D - Feb 10, 2020 - 10:40pm
 
Republican Party - Steely_D - Feb 10, 2020 - 10:36pm
 
All Dogs Go To Heaven - Dog Pix - Antigone - Feb 10, 2020 - 3:59pm
 
Are you ready for some football? - miamizsun - Feb 10, 2020 - 3:58pm
 
Cell Phone Hell - miamizsun - Feb 10, 2020 - 3:51pm
 
Who Would You Like To See As President? - miamizsun - Feb 10, 2020 - 3:12pm
 
Photos you have taken of other people - ScottFromWyoming - Feb 10, 2020 - 1:19pm
 
Poetry Forum - ScottN - Feb 10, 2020 - 6:51am
 
Words that should be put on the substitutes bench for a year - sirdroseph - Feb 10, 2020 - 5:52am
 
What Are You Going To Do Today? - SeriousLee - Feb 9, 2020 - 1:27pm
 
The Grateful Dead - buddy - Feb 9, 2020 - 12:25pm
 
What makes you smile? - miamizsun - Feb 9, 2020 - 11:16am
 
Impeachment Time: - miamizsun - Feb 9, 2020 - 11:15am
 
KUDOS for BillG - miamizsun - Feb 9, 2020 - 11:13am
 
Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » LOVIN The ONION Page: 1, 2, 3  Next
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ScottFromWyoming

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Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 15, 2020 - 6:59am

I had a friend in high school (I'm so tempted to tag him on FB) who did exactly this: tib/fib breaks on both legs.

Nation’s Idiots Announce Plans To Jump Off Their Roofs Into A Pile Of Snow And Break Their Fucking Legs

Popular Deals on The Inventory1/14/19 9:57AM•SEE MORE:WEATHER




CARBONDALE, IL—Stating their dumbass intentions to get a running start and scream “cowabunga,” the nation’s idiots announced plans Monday to jump off their roofs into a pile of snow and break their fucking legs. “We dunces stand on our roof gutters today, fully prepared to jump 20 feet to the ground and straight into a mountain of powder that we assume will break our fall, but almost certainly will cause our bones to crack,” said 29-year-old dipshit Lyle Bennett, one of thousands of morons nationwide who will snap their limbs in motherfucking half after trying out a backflip, slipping on a roof tile, or doing a pencil dive and holding their nose as if going into a pool. “We will, of course, ask our idiot friend if he’s filming yet before we plunge down and shatter our arms, legs, and necks in one fell swoop. Consequently, you should expect us to repeatedly show our broken bones to the camera, flailing them around and freaking everyone the fuck out.” The nation’s buddies added that they promise to put the whole thing on YouTube, including the part where they simultaneously yell out “Are you okay, dude?”

Red_Dragon

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Posted: Jul 13, 2016 - 9:40am

Regular On Sandy Hook Truth Forum Complaining About Recent Decline In Quality Of Discussion
ScottFromWyoming

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Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 5:16pm

 ScottN wrote:

Have a Plan B.

 

ScottN

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Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 4:29pm

 Red_Dragon wrote:
My horoscope:

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Try and get back to basics this week. Learning to dress yourself, brush your teeth, and eat with utensils would be a good place to start.


I am with Bokey.  Get the proper support marshaled around you, concentrate well, make your best effort...and then perhaps you can do this! {#War}

Have a Plan B.
bokey

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Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 3:04pm

 Isabeau wrote:

{#Meditate}

 
You can do this.
Isabeau

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Location: sou' tex
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 1:55pm

 Red_Dragon wrote:
My horoscope:

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Try and get back to basics this week. Learning to dress yourself, brush your teeth, and eat with utensils would be a good place to start.

 
{#Meditate}
Red_Dragon

Red_Dragon Avatar



Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 10:06am

My horoscope:

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Try and get back to basics this week. Learning to dress yourself, brush your teeth, and eat with utensils would be a good place to start.


sirdroseph

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Location: Yes
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 22, 2015 - 12:12pm

Spoof made real: The Onion jokes on US offering missiles to Israel, turns out true


oldviolin

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Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 16, 2013 - 4:22pm

 meower wrote:


Report: You Live In An Embarrassing Country
WASHINGTON—According to a new report published Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, you live in a deeply embarrassing and barely functional country. “Our latest research and statistical analysis shows that you are currently the citizen of an objectively humiliating nation wreathed in a miasma of pettiness, sloth, rank stupidity, and failure,” the report read in part, adding that this—this goddamned disgrace of a culture and system of government, if that’s what you call whatever the hell this is—is where you live, where you are from, and where you will likely die. “Decline and dysfunction are currently the first things people across the world think of when they hear the name of your place of origin, and, by association, these are the first words that would come to mind when they think of you as well.” The report concluded that there isn’t a whole hell of a lot you can do about it either.



 
 turn off your devices / don't believe the hype {#Wink}{#Good-vibes}
meower

meower Avatar

Location: i believe, i believe, it's silly, but I believe
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 16, 2013 - 2:48pm


Report: You Live In An Embarrassing Country
WASHINGTON—According to a new report published Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, you live in a deeply embarrassing and barely functional country. “Our latest research and statistical analysis shows that you are currently the citizen of an objectively humiliating nation wreathed in a miasma of pettiness, sloth, rank stupidity, and failure,” the report read in part, adding that this—this goddamned disgrace of a culture and system of government, if that’s what you call whatever the hell this is—is where you live, where you are from, and where you will likely die. “Decline and dysfunction are currently the first things people across the world think of when they hear the name of your place of origin, and, by association, these are the first words that would come to mind when they think of you as well.” The report concluded that there isn’t a whole hell of a lot you can do about it either.


bokey

bokey Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 3, 2013 - 6:20pm

 Prodigal_SOB wrote:

 They now have some some competition.   The stories would be almost as funny if it weren't for them being true.

 
Just saw this. This has become one scary country in the last decade or so. When I was a kid, people could believe in America. After the Bush/Cheney devastation and the knife in the back follow up guy, it makes me wanna puke.


Isabeau

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Location: sou' tex
Gender: Female


Posted: Jul 3, 2013 - 3:31pm

 miamizsun wrote: 
{#Roflol}  . . . PRINCETON, NJ—The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought . . .
miamizsun

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Location: (3261.3 Miles SE of RP)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 3, 2013 - 1:19pm

zomg!
Prodigal_SOB

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Location: Back Home Again in Indiana
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 24, 2013 - 2:49pm


 They now have some some competition.   The stories would be almost as funny if it weren't for them being true.
ScottFromWyoming

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Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Nov 27, 2012 - 1:35pm

Kim Jong Un named Sexiest Man Alive or not.
n4ku

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Posted: Nov 22, 2009 - 8:47am



Sean-E-Sean

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Location: Point Breeze


Posted: Mar 3, 2009 - 11:47am

...embed files that play automatically suck...even if they are about ninja parades...HA!...
ScopArch

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Location: Taking a break
Gender: Male


Posted: Mar 3, 2009 - 11:44am

Obama' s First 100 Days courtesy of the Onion

*

DAY 40: President Obama forwards the link to the new Star Trek movie trailer to the entire staff. Again.
*

DAY 39: The Obamas sit silently around their Camp David dining table because Malia forgot to pack Scattergories.
*

DAY 38: Uruguayan Ambassador left in blue room all day.
*

DAY 37: The West Wing staff enjoys two dozen boxes of Nilla Wafers courtesy of Nabisco after Obama mentions them in a speech.
*

DAY 36: Realizing there are 489 people working in the West Wing, Rahm Emanuel tells his secretary to stop buying cupcakes for everybody's birthday.
*

DAY 35: Negotiations between the House and Senate versions of the DC Voting Rights bill nearly break down when Senator Arlen Specter insists on keeping his doodle of a three-legged pony in the bill.
*

DAY 34: During a difficult moment of a televised address, President Obama debuts the evil-looking sock puppet that will speak on all unpopular matters from now on.
*

DAY 33: President Obama still hasn't updated his Twitter account, leaving millions of tweeple tweet-deprived for over a month.
*

DAY 32: Vice-President Joe Biden curses HotGunner79 for outbidding him at last minute on 1970's Navy bomber jacket.
*

DAY 31: White House Intern David Kimball decides delivering memos to Robert Gibbs counts as "managing critical White House messaging initiatives key to furthering the president's agenda."
*

DAY 30: At 3 a.m., President Obama sends Judd Gregg a group photo of his Cabinet, just so he knows what he's missing.
*

DAY 29: A nervous Canada accidentally offers to be annexed during Obama's first foreign visit.
*

DAY 28: Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's wife has taken to calling him the Trillion Dollar Man during sex.
*

DAY 27: Interior Secretary Ken Salazar is still feeling out the White House policy on nudity.
*

DAY 26: After receiving the fifth gift of its kind in as many weeks, Obama half-heartedly nails another African mask to the Oval Office wall.
*

DAY 25: Obama enjoys a quiet, candlelight dinner with Michelle and South Korean Prime Minister Han Seung-soo.
*

DAY 24: President Obama asks the visiting Estonian president if he wouldn't mind pretending to be Vladimir Putin for a second so he can practice for the Russian prime minister's big visit tomorrow.
*

DAY 23: Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano awkwardly enters the Oval Office while President Obama is doing his Napolitano impersonation.
*

DAY 22: President Obama asks aides to alert him immediately if the Mutant Registration Act is introduced in Congress.
*

DAY 21: For the third time, the Joint Chiefs of Staff ask President Obama not to leave fantasy miniatures on war map.
*

DAY 20: Joe Biden clears his schedule to oversee the installation of four video poker machines in the Naval Observatory.
*

DAY 19: After a tense afternoon holed up in the Situation Room, President Obama finally locates that old pack of Lyndon Johnson's Benson & Hedges.
*

DAY 18: In one of many historic firsts, Barack Obama becomes the first black president to TiVo MythBusters.
*

DAY 17: Hillary Clinton meets with Haitian president René Préval, who demands U.S. provide Haiti a sandwich by 2010.
*

DAY 16: Obama's "First 100 Days Dilbert Desk Calendar" still on day five.
*

DAY 15: Eighty-eight-year-old Justice John Paul Stevens informs the Obama administration of his decision to die in office, effective Mar. 1.
*

DAY 14: Taco Tuesday
*

DAY 13: President Obama meets with Vermont governor Jim Douglas and is saddened to find that he is not the creator of Garfield.
*

DAY 12: A nice little lazy Sunday for the president. Maybe read a book, watch a movie, whatever.
*

DAY 11: Director of the White House Office of Management and Budget reads former director of the White House Office of Management and Budget's memoirs.
*

DAY 10: Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Donovan wonders if they mean "urban" like "city" or "urban" like "black."
*

DAY 9: Impressionist Rich Little sits in a bathrobe on the floor of his one-bedroom apartment trying to figure out how to say "I am not a crook" like Barack Obama.
*

DAY 8: Rahm Emanuel's "open door" policy is severely tested by political director Patrick Gaspard's repeated claims that someone is taking Splenda packets from the jar on his desk.
*

DAY 7: After figuring out a comprehensive solution for the economic crisis in a dream, President Obama issues an executive order requisitioning a fleet of freight liners and 147,000 tons of eggplant.
*

DAY 6: Joe Biden spends the day sitting on a couch in the Oval Office, saying he "just wants to watch."
*

DAY 5: Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack spends another day worried that his unanimous confirmation means people have forgotten what a hell-raiser he was as mayor of Mount Pleasant, IA.
*

DAY 4: Former treasury secretary Henry Paulson is discovered sleeping next to the boiler in the White House basement.
*

DAY 3: Obama takes a few minutes to fill out the change of address card for his Popular Mechanics subscription.
*

DAY 2: Suddenly everyone in the Roosevelt Room looks around and realizes: yes, this will be the seating arrangement for the next four years.
*

DAY 1: In one of his first acts as president, Obama begins the process of closing down the CIA prisons that he knows about.




ScopArch

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Location: Taking a break
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 27, 2009 - 2:25am


NoEnzLefttoSplit

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Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 27, 2009 - 1:23am

 futureattyonli wrote:
One of the proudest moments of my life was getting on the air when the editor of the Onion was on NPR a few years ago.  Listeners of the show were invited to call in and propose headlines to have stories written about.  I was actually able to make her laugh by proposing "Supreme Court Rules Mafia Hiring Practices Discriminatory."

And it's all been downhill for my life since then. lol

 


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