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Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » A Sad Day, Indeed Page: Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next
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triskele

triskele Avatar

Location: The Dragons' Roost


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 5:09pm

 arighter2 wrote:
I've given a mentally ill homeless friend a phone and a month worth of minutes, paid her car insurance, given her almost two hundred dollars, and expert advice on who to see to alleviate her situation, and let her stay in my apt while I was gone. I just found out she went through my stuff and took $100. {#Sad}

 
this sounds very familiar. i found myself in a similar situation a few years ago.  it is sad.

rosedraws

rosedraws Avatar

Location: close to the edge
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 4:23pm

 arighter2 wrote:

All advice is appreciated. We have plugged her into the system and are hoping, among other things, for a positive outcome getting on the same housing program I'm on. I am also serving as chief cheerleader  on the job finding front. I have recurring access to social workers that I keep apprised of goings on as well. I am here to soften the circumstances, but I can't and wouldn't ameliorate them altogether.
 
So excellent!  
arighter2

arighter2 Avatar

Location: dubuque
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 4:15pm

 rosedraws wrote:

You have a great attitude and a good plan. I love that you're stepping out for this person. But it's sounds like she's not ready for all this responsibility yet.  

I strongly recommend you connect yourself with a supervisor of sorts, someone who works in the field of helping the homeless. If you TRULY want to help this person, get an adviser.  Otherwise, you're likely to slip into unconscious co-dependency patterns.  Your love for this person keeps you strong for her (I understand that), but it also may prevent you from making firm boundaries, or backing away and letter her go through something difficult when it's appropriate.

I know you're savvy, so forgive me if I'm just going over stuff you already know & practice.

 

 
All advice is appreciated. We have plugged her into the system and are hoping, among other things, for a positive outcome getting on the same housing program I'm on. I am also serving as chief cheerleader  on the job finding front. I have recurring access to social workers that I keep apprised of goings on as well. I am here to soften the circumstances, but I can't and wouldn't ameliorate them altogether.

rosedraws

rosedraws Avatar

Location: close to the edge
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 3:30pm

 arighter2 wrote:

Since I started writing, I have told her that I was missing the money, however I did not accuse her. In this instance, knowing her, I don't believe confrontation would be helpful because it would cause her to withdraw from the one person whose steadiness and connection she most needs.  From my own experience, I am totally plugged into the mental health/housing resources she needs.
 
You have a great attitude and a good plan. I love that you're stepping out for this person. But it's sounds like she's not ready for all this responsibility yet.  

I strongly recommend you connect yourself with a supervisor of sorts, someone who works in the field of helping the homeless. If you TRULY want to help this person, get an adviser.  Otherwise, you're likely to slip into unconscious co-dependency patterns.  Your love for this person keeps you strong for her (I understand that), but it also may prevent you from making firm boundaries, or backing away and letter her go through something difficult when it's appropriate.

I know you're savvy, so forgive me if I'm just going over stuff you already know & practice.

 
Antigone

Antigone Avatar

Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 3:05pm

 arighter2 wrote:

I really don't think confronting her would serve a positive purpose. I will let her know  I am missing the money without accusation. The road ahead for her is quite difficult. She needs me for an ally. I have to rework how I handle money so as not to provide the temptation.
 
I think this is exactly right, L. I'm so sorry your good nature was taken advantage of, but it is helpful for you to know where you stand with her, so that you can proceed (as you said) more carefully.



arighter2

arighter2 Avatar

Location: dubuque
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:40pm

 Beaker wrote:

Then she's extraordinarily lucky to have you in her corner.  Kudos.  Many others wouldn't make that degree of commitment.


  Thank you.


arighter2

arighter2 Avatar

Location: dubuque
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:36pm

 hippiechick wrote:

Are you just letting it go, or will you say something?
 
Since I started writing, I have told her that I was missing the money, however I did not accuse her. In this instance, knowing her, I don't believe confrontation would be helpful because it would cause her to withdraw from the one person whose steadiness and connection she most needs.  From my own experience, I am totally plugged into the mental health/housing resources she needs.

cc_rider

cc_rider Avatar

Location: Bastrop
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:34pm

 dmax wrote:
Hence my daily visit to the RP forums.
 
What, to witness the train wrecks?

black321

black321 Avatar

Location: A sunset in the desert
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:33pm

 arighter2 wrote:
I've given a mentally ill homeless friend a phone and a month worth of minutes, paid her car insurance, given her almost two hundred dollars, and expert advice on who to see to alleviate her situation, and let her stay in my apt while I was gone. I just found out she went through my stuff and took $100. {#Sad}

  it's better to give to those in need, and unwillingly taken advantage of, than to ignore the need in the first place. 


Coaxial

Coaxial Avatar

Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles eas
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:33pm

 arighter2 wrote:

Practical steps have to be taken to protect us both, but I have known her long enough that my love is unconditional. I am willing and easily strong enough to fight for people in ways they cannot fight for themselves.
 
Wishing the best possible outcome for you here Larry.{#Hug}Good on you for being there for your friend...

hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:31pm

 arighter2 wrote:

Practical steps have to be taken to protect us both, but I have known her long enough that my love is unconditional. I am willing and easily strong enough to fight for people in ways they cannot fight for themselves.
 
Are you just letting it go, or will you say something?

arighter2

arighter2 Avatar

Location: dubuque
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:30pm

 Beaker wrote:

Doesn't sound weird to me at all.  Totally understand. 

You'll also find you'll be hardening your emotional and compassionate views towards her too...
 
Practical steps have to be taken to protect us both, but I have known her long enough that my love is unconditional. I am willing and easily strong enough to fight for people in ways they cannot fight for themselves.

(former member)

(former member) Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:27pm

 cc_rider wrote:

And as others have mentioned, it's not a matter of mental illness either. Some people are just determined to make BAD CHOICES. 
 
Hence my daily visit to the RP forums.
hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:25pm

We do things because we think they are right, not because the other person is properly appreciative. You were a blessing to her, and I would bet that someday, when her head is on straight, she will recognize this, maybe even acknowledge it to you.

You are a mensch!

{#Hug}
arighter2

arighter2 Avatar

Location: dubuque
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:23pm

 meower wrote:


it doesnt sound weird.  So long as you're not blaming yourself. 

  No, I don't feel guilty. I'm glad I brought it up here. I have my resolution, and I am at peace again. {#Sunny}


cc_rider

cc_rider Avatar

Location: Bastrop
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:21pm

 arighter2 wrote:
She is a good person acting out on a fear of having nothing. It really wasn't necessary because I have been giving her spending money. Acts like these inevitably harm the doer. I know it sounds weird, but I have to tighten up my security to protect her from herself.
  Doesn't sound weird to me at all. You may still be able to help her, just at a more secure distance. I wish you all the best.


cc_rider

cc_rider Avatar

Location: Bastrop
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:19pm

 JrzyTmata wrote:

No good deed goes unpunished is a crappy cliche too.
lots of good deeds are gratefully appreciated! this just wasn't one of them. I hope alrighter finds a resolution.
 
I agree. It was just the cynic in me.

And as others have mentioned, it's not a matter of mental illness either. Some people are just determined to make BAD CHOICES. Not talking about addiction, that's different.

meower

meower Avatar

Location: i believe, i believe, it's silly, but I believe
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:19pm

 arighter2 wrote:
She is a good person acting out on a fear of having nothing. It really wasn't necessary because I have been giving her spending money. Acts like these inevitably harm the doer. I know it sounds weird, but I have to tighten up my security to protect her from herself.
 

it doesnt sound weird.  So long as you're not blaming yourself. 


arighter2

arighter2 Avatar

Location: dubuque
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:18pm

 laozilover wrote:

Sorry, Larry! That's gotta hurt!

 
It makes me very sad.

arighter2

arighter2 Avatar

Location: dubuque
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 14, 2010 - 1:16pm

 Beaker wrote:

  Some people are no good.  They're so focussed on their short-term needs that nothing else ever enters their head.  Its disappointing and causes us to withdraw from those like that.  Understand that irrational people do irrational things. 

Been there.  Got the expensive t-shirt.
  She is a good person acting out on a fear of having nothing. It really wasn't necessary because I have been giving her spending money. Acts like these inevitably harm the doer. I know it sounds weird, but I have to tighten up my security to protect her from herself.

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