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Red_Dragon

Red_Dragon Avatar



Posted: Dec 17, 2011 - 8:37am

sadly, he's probably correct in saying so.  certainly far moreso than when some claim America is one, anyway.
Umberdog

Umberdog Avatar

Location: In my body.
Gender: Male


Posted: Nov 16, 2011 - 6:23pm

Someone posted this on my forum. I think it's kinda cool.

The Egg
By: Andy Weir
http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html

You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that's when you met me.
"What... what happened?" You asked. "Where am I?"
"You died," I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
"There was a... a truck and it was skidding..."
"Yup," I said.
"I... I died?"
"Yup. But don't feel bad about it. Everyone dies," I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. "What is this place?" You asked. "Is this the afterlife?"
"More or less," I said.
"Are you god?" You asked.
"Yup," I replied. "I'm God."
"My kids... my wife," you said.
"What about them?"
"Will they be all right?"
"That's what I like to see," I said. "You just died and your main concern is for your family. That's good stuff right there."
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn't look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
"Don't worry," I said. "They'll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn't have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it's any consolation, she'll feel very guilty for feeling relieved."
"Oh," you said. "So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?"
"Neither," I said. "You'll be reincarnated."
"Ah," you said. "So the Hindus were right,"
"All religions are right in their own way," I said. "Walk with me."
You followed along as we strode through the void. "Where are we going?"
"Nowhere in particular," I said. "It's just nice to walk while we talk."
"So what's the point, then?" You asked. "When I get reborn, I'll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won't matter."
"Not so!" I said. "You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don't remember them right now."
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. "Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It's like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it's hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you've gained all the experiences it had.
"You've been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven't stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you'd start remembering everything. But there's no point to doing that between each life."
"How many times have I been reincarnated, then?"
"Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives." I said. "This time around, you'll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD."
"Wait, what?" You stammered. "You're sending me back in time?"
"Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from."
"Where you come from?" You said.
"Oh sure," I explained "I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you'll want to know what it's like there, but honestly you wouldn't understand."
"Oh," you said, a little let down. "But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point."
"Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don't even know it's happening."
"So what's the point of it all?"
"Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You're asking me for the meaning of life? Isn't that a little stereotypical?"
"Well it's a reasonable question," you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. "The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature."
"You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"
"No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect."
"Just me? What about everyone else?"
"There is no one else," I said. "In this universe, there's just you and me."
You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on earth..."
"All you. Different incarnations of you."
"Wait. I'm everyone!?"
"Now you're getting it," I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
"I'm every human being who ever lived?"
"Or who will ever live, yes."
"I'm Abraham Lincoln?"
"And you're John Wilkes Booth, too," I added.
"I'm Hitler?" You said, appalled.
"And you're the millions he killed."
"I'm Jesus?"
"And you're everyone who followed him."
You fell silent.
"Every time you victimized someone," I said, "you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you've done, you've done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you."
You thought for a long time.
"Why?" You asked me. "Why do all this?"
"Because someday, you will become like me. Because that's what you are. You're one of my kind. You're my child."
"Whoa," you said, incredulous. "You mean I'm a god?"
"No. Not yet. You're a fetus. You're still growing. Once you've lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born."
"So the whole universe," you said, "it's just..."
"An egg." I answered. "Now it's time for you to move on to your next life."
And I sent you on your way.

 

Inamorato

Inamorato Avatar

Location: Twin Cities
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 16, 2011 - 2:14pm

 marquemarx wrote:

Yes. One of the great misanthropes of all time!
And a good writer too. How can one not like him?

 
Bierce came by his misanthropy the hard way, starting as a teenage enlistee at the beginning of the Civil War. The Library of America has just produced a new compilation of his works, Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs. Many of his works are available for free or next to nothing as e-reader downloads.Bierce had the gift of getting to the essence of something and then exposing it to the light of day in the pithiest and most unvarnished of ways. I agree, how can one not like him?

Inamorato

Inamorato Avatar

Location: Twin Cities
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 16, 2011 - 2:20am

Religion, n. - A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable

~~ Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913) in The Devil's Dictionary


hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 6, 2011 - 8:15am

 JrzyTmata wrote: 
Sounds like an Onion headline

JrzyTmata

JrzyTmata Avatar



Posted: Oct 6, 2011 - 8:14am

OFFS!
Westboro Baptist Church uses iPhone to announce protest of Jobs funeral.
oh! the irony. idiots.
duchamp

duchamp Avatar

Location: Florida Panhandle
Gender: Female


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 12:35pm

 Inamorato wrote:

Offenders in Alabama town can choose jail or church

Associated Press

BAY MINETTE, Ala. - Authorities say non-violent offenders in southern Alabama will have a new choice: Go to jail, or go to church every Sunday for a year. 

WKRG-TV reports that Operation Restore Our Community begins next week.

The city judge in Bay Minette will let misdemeanor offenders choose to work off their sentences in jail and pay a fine; or go to church every Sunday for a year.

If offenders select church, they'll be allowed to pick the place of worship but must check in weekly with the pastor and police.

If the one-year church attendance program is completed, the offender's case will be dismissed.

Bay Minette Police Chief Mike Rowland says the program could change the lives of people heading down the wrong path. So far, 56 churches are participating.

 

Let's see, jail and a fine or a year in the First Baptist Church of Hellishere, Alabama. Better a captive body than an imprisoned soul. 



 
Bay Minette, Alabama is near Pensacola, Florida on the east and New Orleans on the west.

I looked it up in Wikipedia and under Culture :

Culture

Portions of the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind were filmed near the town's Louisville and Nashville Railroad depot<citation needed> (now razed) and Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood was filmed in rural portions of Baldwin County near Bay Minette.<citation needed



Manbird

Manbird Avatar

Location: Oroville, Ca
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 11:37am

 oldviolin wrote:
Experts make me giddy...
 
  
 
 
 

                             Warning for Klamrisk
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  


oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 9:57am

Experts make me giddy...
hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 9:14am

 winter wrote:

Bottled water, then. SO much worse than tap!
 
I meant to say that Jews worship on Saturday. 

And indeed, no matter the specifics, it's just wrong. 
winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 8:54am

 hippiechick wrote:

"Church" is the key word here, as well as "pastor" and "Sunday." Jews worship on Sunday, Muslims and other Eastern religions do something completely different. So I am pretty sure that he's talking Jesus here.
 
Bottled water, then. SO much worse than tap!
hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 8:53am

 winter wrote:

Go back and read it again.

"If offenders select church, they'll be allowed to pick the place of worship but must check in weekly with the pastor and police."

There are more than 50 places of worship participating. Odds are that if there are a sizable number of non-Christians in a small Alabama town that there is at least one house of worship for them. 

And, again - not the biggest concern. Doesn't matter if they have accommodations for each and every variety of belief on the planet from Buddhism and Christianity to Jedi and Sith. "Go get you some churchin'" isn't an appropriate sentence for any criminal offense under a secular government. Worrying about which religion gets favored treatment is like worrying about whether they use bottled or tap water for waterboarding.
 
"Church" is the key word here, as well as "pastor" and "Sunday." Jews worship on Sunday, Muslims and other Eastern religions do something completely different. So I am pretty sure that he's talking Jesus here.
winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 8:50am

 hippiechick wrote:

It's so arrogant. "The answer to all your problems is Jesus." It does say church of your choice, not house of worship, and I am pretty sure that the judge was thinking that the person needed a dose of Jesus. It is Alabama, after all.
 
Go back and read it again.

"If offenders select church, they'll be allowed to pick the place of worship but must check in weekly with the pastor and police."

There are more than 50 places of worship participating. Odds are that if there are a sizable number of non-Christians in a small Alabama town that there is at least one house of worship for them. 

And, again - not the biggest concern. Doesn't matter if they have accommodations for each and every variety of belief on the planet from Buddhism and Christianity to Jedi and Sith. "Go get you some churchin'" isn't an appropriate sentence for any criminal offense under a secular government. Worrying about which religion gets favored treatment is like worrying about whether they use bottled or tap water for waterboarding.
hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 8:37am

 winter wrote:

Yep.

Also the whole "your punishment for your crime is to attend church once a week" - not "go pick up garbage every Saturday for eight hours" or "get locked up for a few months" or "pay a heavy fine", but "sit still and listen quietly once a week - you know, between committing other crimes and generally living your life as you see fit".  It's just silly. And it's almost certain to cost them an expensive lawsuit from the ACLU, so it's not even saving money.
 
It's so arrogant. "The answer to all your problems is Jesus." It does say church of your choice, not house of worship, and I am pretty sure that the judge was thinking that the person needed a dose of Jesus. It is Alabama, after all.
winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 8:29am

 hippiechick wrote:

You mean like separation of church and state?
 
Yep.

Also the whole "your punishment for your crime is to attend church once a week" - not "go pick up garbage every Saturday for eight hours" or "get locked up for a few months" or "pay a heavy fine", but "sit still and listen quietly once a week - you know, between committing other crimes and generally living your life as you see fit".  It's just silly. And it's almost certain to cost them an expensive lawsuit from the ACLU, so it's not even saving money.
hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 8:24am

 winter wrote:

a) They get a choice of church of jail. So there's that.

b) They can choose their house of worship. So they can choose one suitable to their beliefs.

c) Neither of these concerns are anywhere near the top of the list of problems with this program. 
 
You mean like separation of church and state?
winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 8:23am

 hippiechick wrote:

What if you are Jewish or Muslim, or some other religion. Oh, that's right, there is only one true religion.
 
a) They get a choice of church of jail. So there's that.

b) They can choose their house of worship. So they can choose one suitable to their beliefs.

c) Neither of these concerns are anywhere near the top of the list of problems with this program. 
hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 8:20am

 Inamorato wrote:

Offenders in Alabama town can choose jail or church

Associated Press

BAY MINETTE, Ala. - Authorities say non-violent offenders in southern Alabama will have a new choice: Go to jail, or go to church every Sunday for a year. 

WKRG-TV reports that Operation Restore Our Community begins next week.

The city judge in Bay Minette will let misdemeanor offenders choose to work off their sentences in jail and pay a fine; or go to church every Sunday for a year.

If offenders select church, they'll be allowed to pick the place of worship but must check in weekly with the pastor and police.

If the one-year church attendance program is completed, the offender's case will be dismissed.

Bay Minette Police Chief Mike Rowland says the program could change the lives of people heading down the wrong path. So far, 56 churches are participating.

 

Let's see, jail and a fine or a year in the First Baptist Church of Hellishere, Alabama. Better a captive body than an imprisoned soul. 

 
What if you are Jewish or Muslim, or some other religion. Oh, that's right, there is only one true religion.
Inamorato

Inamorato Avatar

Location: Twin Cities
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 24, 2011 - 8:18am

Offenders in Alabama town can choose jail or church

Associated Press

BAY MINETTE, Ala. - Authorities say non-violent offenders in southern Alabama will have a new choice: Go to jail, or go to church every Sunday for a year. 

WKRG-TV reports that Operation Restore Our Community begins next week.

The city judge in Bay Minette will let misdemeanor offenders choose to work off their sentences in jail and pay a fine; or go to church every Sunday for a year.

If offenders select church, they'll be allowed to pick the place of worship but must check in weekly with the pastor and police.

If the one-year church attendance program is completed, the offender's case will be dismissed.

Bay Minette Police Chief Mike Rowland says the program could change the lives of people heading down the wrong path. So far, 56 churches are participating.

 

Let's see, jail and a fine or a year in the First Baptist Church of Hellishere, Alabama. Better a captive body than an imprisoned soul. 


Coaxial

Coaxial Avatar

Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles eas
Gender: Male


Posted: Apr 17, 2011 - 8:42am

 buzz wrote:

do you remember our 18% mortgage?
 
Little Paulie must have been pissed....

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