If Hillary Clinton fakes an orgasm, what kind of news is that?

Fearful Americans Stockpiling Facts Before Federal Government Comes To Take Them Away
 WASHINGTON—Alarmed at the prospect of unconstitutional overreach by the Trump administration, millions of fearful Americans have already begun stockpiling facts before the federal government comes to take them away, sources confirmed Friday. “I know my rights as an American, so you’d better believe I’m getting my hands on as many facts as possible and keeping them somewhere safe where this First Amendment–hating president of ours can’t snatch them all up,” said Pittsburgh resident David Edelman, 38, adding that he was worried that President Trump planned to not only suspend production of facts, but also seize existing ones, leaving Americans and their families completely defenseless. “The minute I saw Trump, I knew he was someone who didn’t grow up around facts or the kind of folks who use facts. Well, the founding fathers cherished my right to possess facts, and they’d be rolling in their graves if they knew the Feds were going to bust in and try to steal our facts in the middle of the night.” A spokesperson for the Trump administration dismissed such fears, saying that the president merely wanted to keep facts away from certain dangerous people.

Kellyanne Conway Refers To Fake Bowling Green Massacre

The real one

 Skydog wrote: 
To corporations and shareholders it is pure and lovely music.

 Coaxial wrote: 
Now I've got chills too.

 miamizsun wrote: 
zero human interaction, that's a selling point?

Big Mac ATMs are coming soon

maybe that isn't fake...

The fast food of the future is the same, but with more robots

Mexican President: We're going to build a tunnel

Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto has announced that Mexico is going to build a tunnel under the Mexico/US border.

He said that the Americans were going to pay for the tunnel, which will cost $324bn.

He told WalesOnCraic:

“Trump can boast all he likes about his f*cking wall. I said to the missis last night that I should build a tunnel instead. She said that it was a good idea so I got up out of bed to draw some designs. I was there with a blank piece of paper and pen. It took me a good few hours but I eventually came up with something perfect. It’s of cylindrical design and will go underground.”

Enrique Peña Nieto said that the location of the tunnel hasn’t been disclosed to keep the Americans guessing.

“Shit, we’ve got hundreds of tunnels there already. The faster their lot are sticking up the wall, the faster our lads will be digging a tunnel underneath it.”

The White House hasn’t responded to the announcement, saying that they are still arguing about how many people turned up at Trump’s inauguration.

 Coaxial wrote: 
gave me chills

 Coaxial wrote: 
McCartney has finally learned how to play that song groovy.

Large segment of population glad Roddy Piper can't bust them with his glasses.

Russian spy chiefs ordered Anna Chapman to seduce whistleblower Edward Snowden, claims defector (Daily Mail)

Chapman was famously expelled from the U.S. as a spy, and now is a more famous fashion model in Russia. Ed Snowden, what a dope!

 R_P wrote: 

A slight correction to the above: his patronymic should read "Vladimirsbitch" 

Trolstoyevski

Today at 6pm Moscow time one of the most successful KGB operations ended. Donat Ivanovich Trolstoyevski, KGB sleeper agent, became a president of USA. Congratulations to KGB, glory to Russian bear! Donat Ivanovich, your final order - Make mother Russia great again!