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Index » Music » Whatever » Play the Blues Page: Previous  1, 2, 3 ... , 9, 10, 11  Next
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OlderThanDirt

OlderThanDirt Avatar

Location: In Transit
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 12, 2011 - 11:16pm

 Alexandra wrote:

HOW TO SING THE BLUES



Woke up this mornin, found the world still turnin round, (instrumental repeat)
Woke up this mornin, still ain't heaven bound, (instrumental repeat)
Woke up this mornin, ain't no blues to be found. (instruments do something)

Got the early in the mornin, bed still own me blues, (i  r)
Gotta get up, gotta go read that awful useless news. (i r)
Gotta get up, gotta get movin, got too much to lose. (i d s)

Gotta get up, gotta go join this day, ( )
Gotta get up, got a bunch of bills to pay. ( )
gotta get up, can't let ol' slothful waste my time away. ( )

Gotta get up, just cain't stay in bed, (
Gotta get up, that's what the clock just said, (
Gotta get up, else their gonna think I'm dead. (big instrumental finish, hopefully big enough to overcome the inanity of the above.)

(Submitted in support of Alexandra's rules #1 and #12a, and in spite of most of the other ones.)

Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female


Posted: Aug 9, 2011 - 8:12pm

HOW TO SING THE BLUES

by Lame Mango Washington
(attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning...."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, " adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:

a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:

a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Cuba Gooding Jr. cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
 

14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.

Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:

a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:

a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Sierra, Ashley, Justin, and Cody can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):

a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Melon,etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Lame Mango Fillmore, etc.

20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.


lily34

lily34 Avatar

Location: GTFO
Gender: Female


Posted: Aug 9, 2011 - 8:00pm

jimmie vaughan is coming in early october. i'm thinking about getting a ticket.
swell_sailor

swell_sailor Avatar

Location: The Gorge
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 9, 2011 - 7:59pm

Caught up in a whirlwind can't catch my breath,
knee deep in hot water broke out in a cold sweat
Can't catch a turtle in this rat race,
feels like I'm losin' time at a breakneck pace

Afraid of my own shadow in the face of grace,heart full of darkness spotlight on my face
There was love all around me but I was lookin' for revenge,
thank God it never found me would have been the end

I was walkin' the tightrope steppin' on my friends
Walkin' the tightrope it was a shame and a sin
Walkin' the tightrope between wrong and right
Walkin' the tightrope both day and night

Lookin' back in front of me in the mirror's a grin,
through eyes of love I see I'm really lookin' at a friend
We've all had our problems that's the way life is,
my heart goes out to others who are there to make amends

We've been walkin' the tightrope tryin' to make it right
Walkin' the tightrope every day and every night
Walkin' the tightrope bring it all around
Walkin' the tightrope from the lost to found

Walkin' the tightrope stretched around the world
Walkin' the tightrope save the boys and girls
Walkin' the tightrope let's make it right
Walkin' the tightrope do it do it tonight
Walkin' the tightrope


It was nice to see Stevie clean before he left this world. 


oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 8, 2011 - 8:38am

 buzz wrote:

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
 
Imagine that! Me workin' for you!
buzz

buzz Avatar

Location: up the boohai


Posted: Aug 8, 2011 - 8:36am

 oldviolin wrote:

let that be a sign

 
Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind

oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 8, 2011 - 8:30am

 buzz wrote:

The Worms Crawl In,
The Worms Crawl Out,
Into your stomach,
And out your mouth.

They eat your intestines,
They scramble your heart.
Now you feel like
You're all apart.

This is how
It is to die
You end up looking
Like apple pie!


 
let that be a sign
Zissy

Zissy Avatar

Location: 90804
Gender: Female


Posted: Aug 8, 2011 - 8:17am

 buzz wrote:

The Worms Crawl In,
The Worms Crawl Out,
Into your stomach,
And out your mouth.

They eat your intestines,
They scramble your heart.
Now you feel like
You're all apart.

This is how
It is to die
You end up looking
Like apple pie!


 
The worms crawl in and the worms crawl out.
The ones that go in are lean and thin.
The ones that come out are fat and stout.
Your eyes fall in and your teeth fall out.
Your brains come tumbling down your snout.
They eat your eyes and they eat your nose.
They eat the jelly between your toes.
Be merry, my friends, be merry.

buzz

buzz Avatar

Location: up the boohai


Posted: Aug 8, 2011 - 8:15am

 oldviolin wrote:

I am a worm crawling in there...

 

The Worms Crawl In,
The Worms Crawl Out,
Into your stomach,
And out your mouth.

They eat your intestines,
They scramble your heart.
Now you feel like
You're all apart.

This is how
It is to die
You end up looking
Like apple pie!



oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 8, 2011 - 8:08am

 buzz wrote:

watch out you dont get one of them worms crawlin in there
 
I am a worm crawling in there...
buzz

buzz Avatar

Location: up the boohai


Posted: Aug 8, 2011 - 8:07am

 oldviolin wrote:

I had my ear to the ground, and heard you tapping your foot...{#Daisy}
 
watch out you dont get one of them worms crawlin in there

oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 7, 2011 - 7:21pm

 lily34 wrote:

LOVE
 
I had my ear to the ground, and heard you tapping your foot...{#Daisy}

lily34

lily34 Avatar

Location: GTFO
Gender: Female


Posted: Aug 7, 2011 - 7:11pm

 oldviolin wrote:
 
LOVE
oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 7, 2011 - 6:59pm


Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female


Posted: Aug 7, 2011 - 6:17pm

 steeler wrote:
I defintitely would love to see more blues played on RP.

 

I uploaded both of those Junior Wells' tunes {#Arrowd} so we'll see what happens.

steeler

steeler Avatar

Location: Perched on the precipice of the cauldron of truth


Posted: Aug 7, 2011 - 6:08pm

I defintitely would love to see more blues played on RP.


buzz

buzz Avatar

Location: up the boohai


Posted: Aug 7, 2011 - 5:30pm

Great thread!
 
Meower showed me this podcast. Very cool. 
 
The Country Blues 
sirdroseph

sirdroseph Avatar

Location: Yes
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 7, 2011 - 5:17pm





sirdroseph

sirdroseph Avatar

Location: Yes
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 7, 2011 - 5:14pm



sirdroseph

sirdroseph Avatar

Location: Yes
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 7, 2011 - 5:13pm



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