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The Obituary Page - Antigone - Oct 26, 2020 - 2:49pm
 
Trump - cc_rider - Oct 26, 2020 - 2:36pm
 
NEED A COMPUTER GEEK! - katzendogs - Oct 26, 2020 - 2:17pm
 
Name My Band - haresfur - Oct 26, 2020 - 2:09pm
 
Favorite Quotes - westslope - Oct 26, 2020 - 2:04pm
 
Looting & vandalism isn't protest - kcar - Oct 26, 2020 - 1:08pm
 
2020 Elections - R_P - Oct 26, 2020 - 12:15pm
 
what the hell, miamizsun? - oldviolin - Oct 26, 2020 - 8:24am
 
Mixtape Culture Club - ColdMiser - Oct 26, 2020 - 7:07am
 
Radio Paradise Comments - miamizsun - Oct 26, 2020 - 5:52am
 
Radio Paradise NFL Pick'em Group - miamizsun - Oct 26, 2020 - 5:24am
 
Supreme Court: Who's Next? - miamizsun - Oct 26, 2020 - 5:03am
 
COVID-19 - Ohmsen - Oct 26, 2020 - 3:34am
 
Counting with Pictures - yuel - Oct 26, 2020 - 2:08am
 
Films you're excited about. - oldviolin - Oct 25, 2020 - 7:06pm
 
Rock Movies/Documentaries - KurtfromLaQuinta - Oct 25, 2020 - 6:29pm
 
Philosophy (Meaty Metaphysical Munchables!) - oldviolin - Oct 25, 2020 - 3:02pm
 
Quick! I need a chicken... - oldviolin - Oct 25, 2020 - 2:54pm
 
How's the weather? - haresfur - Oct 25, 2020 - 2:25pm
 
What's that smell? - Antigone - Oct 25, 2020 - 9:49am
 
Baseball, anyone? - zevon - Oct 25, 2020 - 8:40am
 
Environment - Red_Dragon - Oct 25, 2020 - 7:16am
 
Republican Party - Red_Dragon - Oct 25, 2020 - 7:03am
 
De onde você ouve a Radio Paradise? Cidade/Local no Brasil - crishtiane - Oct 24, 2020 - 10:33pm
 
RPeeps I miss. - KurtfromLaQuinta - Oct 24, 2020 - 9:51pm
 
RightWingNutZ - R_P - Oct 24, 2020 - 5:01pm
 
Trump Lies - R_P - Oct 24, 2020 - 4:45pm
 
The Dragons' Roost - Red_Dragon - Oct 24, 2020 - 3:53pm
 
Strips, cartoons, illustrations - R_P - Oct 24, 2020 - 1:25pm
 
Great guitar faces - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 11:01am
 
Questions. - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 10:58am
 
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •  - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 10:25am
 
More reggae, less Marley please - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 10:22am
 
What The Hell Buddy? - oldviolin - Oct 24, 2020 - 10:17am
 
Lyrics That Remind You of Someone - oldviolin - Oct 24, 2020 - 10:10am
 
Dialing 1-800-Manbird - oldviolin - Oct 24, 2020 - 10:09am
 
Things that piss me off - miamizsun - Oct 24, 2020 - 9:59am
 
Music Videos - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 9:50am
 
Ambient Music - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 9:41am
 
Live Music - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 9:11am
 
The 1960s - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 9:03am
 
The war on funk is over! - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 8:57am
 
Play the Blues - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 8:56am
 
HALF A WORLD - oldviolin - Oct 24, 2020 - 8:43am
 
The Dragon's Roots - oldviolin - Oct 24, 2020 - 8:38am
 
• • • BRING OUT YOUR DEAD • • •  - oldviolin - Oct 24, 2020 - 8:26am
 
Prog Rockers Anonymous - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 7:40am
 
Today in History - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 6:46am
 
Democratic Party - Ohmsen - Oct 24, 2020 - 6:12am
 
Anti-War - Ohmsen - Oct 23, 2020 - 11:39pm
 
Make Scott laugh - kcar - Oct 23, 2020 - 11:31pm
 
Bug Reports & Feature Requests - jarro - Oct 23, 2020 - 3:20pm
 
Among Us - R_P - Oct 23, 2020 - 3:06pm
 
China - miamizsun - Oct 23, 2020 - 11:27am
 
Health Care Stories - hayduke2 - Oct 23, 2020 - 9:55am
 
Economix - R_P - Oct 23, 2020 - 9:33am
 
Derplahoma Questions and Points of Interest - sunybuny - Oct 23, 2020 - 5:26am
 
Thanks for putting "Favorites" Channel back - chriswep - Oct 23, 2020 - 5:24am
 
260,000 Posts in one thread? - buddy - Oct 22, 2020 - 6:39pm
 
Race in America - R_P - Oct 22, 2020 - 3:42pm
 
Joni Mitchell categorization error - pmrt - Oct 22, 2020 - 11:57am
 
Cryptic Posts - Leave Them Guessing - oldviolin - Oct 22, 2020 - 8:40am
 
Vinyl Only Spin List - kurtster - Oct 21, 2020 - 9:59pm
 
Things You Thought Today - jlf778 - Oct 21, 2020 - 5:19pm
 
Radio Paradise is awesome! - jlf778 - Oct 21, 2020 - 5:16pm
 
NASA & other news from space - oldviolin - Oct 21, 2020 - 4:17pm
 
New Music - scrinz - Oct 21, 2020 - 1:01pm
 
You might be getting old if...... - Ohmsen - Oct 21, 2020 - 9:05am
 
Rhetorical questions - oldviolin - Oct 21, 2020 - 8:37am
 
Working from home - rhahl - Oct 21, 2020 - 7:01am
 
how do you feel right now? - kurtster - Oct 20, 2020 - 7:43pm
 
audiophile - kurtster - Oct 20, 2020 - 7:27pm
 
Bolivia - R_P - Oct 20, 2020 - 4:09pm
 
Freedom of speech? - miamizsun - Oct 20, 2020 - 2:18pm
 
Strange signs, marquees, billboards, etc. - KurtfromLaQuinta - Oct 20, 2020 - 1:04pm
 
Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » LOVIN The ONION Page: 1, 2, 3  Next
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ScottFromWyoming

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Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 15, 2020 - 6:59am

I had a friend in high school (I'm so tempted to tag him on FB) who did exactly this: tib/fib breaks on both legs.

Nation’s Idiots Announce Plans To Jump Off Their Roofs Into A Pile Of Snow And Break Their Fucking Legs

Popular Deals on The Inventory1/14/19 9:57AM•SEE MORE:WEATHER




CARBONDALE, IL—Stating their dumbass intentions to get a running start and scream “cowabunga,” the nation’s idiots announced plans Monday to jump off their roofs into a pile of snow and break their fucking legs. “We dunces stand on our roof gutters today, fully prepared to jump 20 feet to the ground and straight into a mountain of powder that we assume will break our fall, but almost certainly will cause our bones to crack,” said 29-year-old dipshit Lyle Bennett, one of thousands of morons nationwide who will snap their limbs in motherfucking half after trying out a backflip, slipping on a roof tile, or doing a pencil dive and holding their nose as if going into a pool. “We will, of course, ask our idiot friend if he’s filming yet before we plunge down and shatter our arms, legs, and necks in one fell swoop. Consequently, you should expect us to repeatedly show our broken bones to the camera, flailing them around and freaking everyone the fuck out.” The nation’s buddies added that they promise to put the whole thing on YouTube, including the part where they simultaneously yell out “Are you okay, dude?”

Red_Dragon

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Posted: Jul 13, 2016 - 9:40am

Regular On Sandy Hook Truth Forum Complaining About Recent Decline In Quality Of Discussion
ScottFromWyoming

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Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 5:16pm

 ScottN wrote:

Have a Plan B.

 

ScottN

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Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 4:29pm

 Red_Dragon wrote:
My horoscope:

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Try and get back to basics this week. Learning to dress yourself, brush your teeth, and eat with utensils would be a good place to start.


I am with Bokey.  Get the proper support marshaled around you, concentrate well, make your best effort...and then perhaps you can do this! {#War}

Have a Plan B.
bokey

bokey Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 3:04pm

 Isabeau wrote:

{#Meditate}

 
You can do this.
Isabeau

Isabeau Avatar

Location: sou' tex
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 1:55pm

 Red_Dragon wrote:
My horoscope:

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Try and get back to basics this week. Learning to dress yourself, brush your teeth, and eat with utensils would be a good place to start.

 
{#Meditate}
Red_Dragon

Red_Dragon Avatar



Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 10:06am

My horoscope:

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Try and get back to basics this week. Learning to dress yourself, brush your teeth, and eat with utensils would be a good place to start.


sirdroseph

sirdroseph Avatar

Location: Yes
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 22, 2015 - 12:12pm

Spoof made real: The Onion jokes on US offering missiles to Israel, turns out true


oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 16, 2013 - 4:22pm

 meower wrote:


Report: You Live In An Embarrassing Country
WASHINGTON—According to a new report published Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, you live in a deeply embarrassing and barely functional country. “Our latest research and statistical analysis shows that you are currently the citizen of an objectively humiliating nation wreathed in a miasma of pettiness, sloth, rank stupidity, and failure,” the report read in part, adding that this—this goddamned disgrace of a culture and system of government, if that’s what you call whatever the hell this is—is where you live, where you are from, and where you will likely die. “Decline and dysfunction are currently the first things people across the world think of when they hear the name of your place of origin, and, by association, these are the first words that would come to mind when they think of you as well.” The report concluded that there isn’t a whole hell of a lot you can do about it either.



 
 turn off your devices / don't believe the hype {#Wink}{#Good-vibes}
meower

meower Avatar

Location: i believe, i believe, it's silly, but I believe
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 16, 2013 - 2:48pm


Report: You Live In An Embarrassing Country
WASHINGTON—According to a new report published Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, you live in a deeply embarrassing and barely functional country. “Our latest research and statistical analysis shows that you are currently the citizen of an objectively humiliating nation wreathed in a miasma of pettiness, sloth, rank stupidity, and failure,” the report read in part, adding that this—this goddamned disgrace of a culture and system of government, if that’s what you call whatever the hell this is—is where you live, where you are from, and where you will likely die. “Decline and dysfunction are currently the first things people across the world think of when they hear the name of your place of origin, and, by association, these are the first words that would come to mind when they think of you as well.” The report concluded that there isn’t a whole hell of a lot you can do about it either.


bokey

bokey Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 3, 2013 - 6:20pm

 Prodigal_SOB wrote:

 They now have some some competition.   The stories would be almost as funny if it weren't for them being true.

 
Just saw this. This has become one scary country in the last decade or so. When I was a kid, people could believe in America. After the Bush/Cheney devastation and the knife in the back follow up guy, it makes me wanna puke.


Isabeau

Isabeau Avatar

Location: sou' tex
Gender: Female


Posted: Jul 3, 2013 - 3:31pm

 miamizsun wrote: 
{#Roflol}  . . . PRINCETON, NJ—The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought . . .
miamizsun

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Location: (3261.3 Miles SE of RP)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 3, 2013 - 1:19pm

zomg!
Prodigal_SOB

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Location: Back Home Again in Indiana
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 24, 2013 - 2:49pm


 They now have some some competition.   The stories would be almost as funny if it weren't for them being true.
ScottFromWyoming

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Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Nov 27, 2012 - 1:35pm

Kim Jong Un named Sexiest Man Alive or not.
n4ku

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Posted: Nov 22, 2009 - 8:47am



Sean-E-Sean

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Location: Point Breeze


Posted: Mar 3, 2009 - 11:47am

...embed files that play automatically suck...even if they are about ninja parades...HA!...
ScopArch

ScopArch Avatar

Location: Taking a break
Gender: Male


Posted: Mar 3, 2009 - 11:44am

Obama' s First 100 Days courtesy of the Onion

*

DAY 40: President Obama forwards the link to the new Star Trek movie trailer to the entire staff. Again.
*

DAY 39: The Obamas sit silently around their Camp David dining table because Malia forgot to pack Scattergories.
*

DAY 38: Uruguayan Ambassador left in blue room all day.
*

DAY 37: The West Wing staff enjoys two dozen boxes of Nilla Wafers courtesy of Nabisco after Obama mentions them in a speech.
*

DAY 36: Realizing there are 489 people working in the West Wing, Rahm Emanuel tells his secretary to stop buying cupcakes for everybody's birthday.
*

DAY 35: Negotiations between the House and Senate versions of the DC Voting Rights bill nearly break down when Senator Arlen Specter insists on keeping his doodle of a three-legged pony in the bill.
*

DAY 34: During a difficult moment of a televised address, President Obama debuts the evil-looking sock puppet that will speak on all unpopular matters from now on.
*

DAY 33: President Obama still hasn't updated his Twitter account, leaving millions of tweeple tweet-deprived for over a month.
*

DAY 32: Vice-President Joe Biden curses HotGunner79 for outbidding him at last minute on 1970's Navy bomber jacket.
*

DAY 31: White House Intern David Kimball decides delivering memos to Robert Gibbs counts as "managing critical White House messaging initiatives key to furthering the president's agenda."
*

DAY 30: At 3 a.m., President Obama sends Judd Gregg a group photo of his Cabinet, just so he knows what he's missing.
*

DAY 29: A nervous Canada accidentally offers to be annexed during Obama's first foreign visit.
*

DAY 28: Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's wife has taken to calling him the Trillion Dollar Man during sex.
*

DAY 27: Interior Secretary Ken Salazar is still feeling out the White House policy on nudity.
*

DAY 26: After receiving the fifth gift of its kind in as many weeks, Obama half-heartedly nails another African mask to the Oval Office wall.
*

DAY 25: Obama enjoys a quiet, candlelight dinner with Michelle and South Korean Prime Minister Han Seung-soo.
*

DAY 24: President Obama asks the visiting Estonian president if he wouldn't mind pretending to be Vladimir Putin for a second so he can practice for the Russian prime minister's big visit tomorrow.
*

DAY 23: Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano awkwardly enters the Oval Office while President Obama is doing his Napolitano impersonation.
*

DAY 22: President Obama asks aides to alert him immediately if the Mutant Registration Act is introduced in Congress.
*

DAY 21: For the third time, the Joint Chiefs of Staff ask President Obama not to leave fantasy miniatures on war map.
*

DAY 20: Joe Biden clears his schedule to oversee the installation of four video poker machines in the Naval Observatory.
*

DAY 19: After a tense afternoon holed up in the Situation Room, President Obama finally locates that old pack of Lyndon Johnson's Benson & Hedges.
*

DAY 18: In one of many historic firsts, Barack Obama becomes the first black president to TiVo MythBusters.
*

DAY 17: Hillary Clinton meets with Haitian president René Préval, who demands U.S. provide Haiti a sandwich by 2010.
*

DAY 16: Obama's "First 100 Days Dilbert Desk Calendar" still on day five.
*

DAY 15: Eighty-eight-year-old Justice John Paul Stevens informs the Obama administration of his decision to die in office, effective Mar. 1.
*

DAY 14: Taco Tuesday
*

DAY 13: President Obama meets with Vermont governor Jim Douglas and is saddened to find that he is not the creator of Garfield.
*

DAY 12: A nice little lazy Sunday for the president. Maybe read a book, watch a movie, whatever.
*

DAY 11: Director of the White House Office of Management and Budget reads former director of the White House Office of Management and Budget's memoirs.
*

DAY 10: Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Donovan wonders if they mean "urban" like "city" or "urban" like "black."
*

DAY 9: Impressionist Rich Little sits in a bathrobe on the floor of his one-bedroom apartment trying to figure out how to say "I am not a crook" like Barack Obama.
*

DAY 8: Rahm Emanuel's "open door" policy is severely tested by political director Patrick Gaspard's repeated claims that someone is taking Splenda packets from the jar on his desk.
*

DAY 7: After figuring out a comprehensive solution for the economic crisis in a dream, President Obama issues an executive order requisitioning a fleet of freight liners and 147,000 tons of eggplant.
*

DAY 6: Joe Biden spends the day sitting on a couch in the Oval Office, saying he "just wants to watch."
*

DAY 5: Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack spends another day worried that his unanimous confirmation means people have forgotten what a hell-raiser he was as mayor of Mount Pleasant, IA.
*

DAY 4: Former treasury secretary Henry Paulson is discovered sleeping next to the boiler in the White House basement.
*

DAY 3: Obama takes a few minutes to fill out the change of address card for his Popular Mechanics subscription.
*

DAY 2: Suddenly everyone in the Roosevelt Room looks around and realizes: yes, this will be the seating arrangement for the next four years.
*

DAY 1: In one of his first acts as president, Obama begins the process of closing down the CIA prisons that he knows about.




ScopArch

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Location: Taking a break
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 27, 2009 - 2:25am


NoEnzLefttoSplit

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Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 27, 2009 - 1:23am

 futureattyonli wrote:
One of the proudest moments of my life was getting on the air when the editor of the Onion was on NPR a few years ago.  Listeners of the show were invited to call in and propose headlines to have stories written about.  I was actually able to make her laugh by proposing "Supreme Court Rules Mafia Hiring Practices Discriminatory."

And it's all been downhill for my life since then. lol

 


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