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Radio Paradise Comments - miamizsun - Nov 24, 2020 - 4:20am
 
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Annoying stuff. not things that piss you off, just annoyi... - miamizsun - Nov 23, 2020 - 2:15pm
 
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What are you doing RIGHT NOW? - haresfur - Nov 23, 2020 - 1:27pm
 
Name My Disease! - buddy - Nov 23, 2020 - 12:58pm
 
Things You Thought Today - miamizsun - Nov 23, 2020 - 12:20pm
 
songs that ROCK! - ScottFromWyoming - Nov 23, 2020 - 11:49am
 
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •  - oldviolin - Nov 23, 2020 - 11:49am
 
Talk Behind Their Backs Forum - ScottFromWyoming - Nov 23, 2020 - 9:36am
 
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Name My Band - oldviolin - Nov 23, 2020 - 7:14am
 
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Amazing animals! - Coaxial - Nov 23, 2020 - 6:08am
 
Today in History - Red_Dragon - Nov 23, 2020 - 5:44am
 
Joe Biden - Steely_D - Nov 22, 2020 - 4:37pm
 
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Always great listening... - ScottFromWyoming - Nov 22, 2020 - 2:10pm
 
What makes you smile? - Ohmsen - Nov 22, 2020 - 12:53pm
 
Prog Rockers Anonymous - Ohmsen - Nov 22, 2020 - 12:14pm
 
russian mystery - Ohmsen - Nov 22, 2020 - 11:12am
 
Health Care - Steely_D - Nov 22, 2020 - 10:24am
 
You might be getting old if...... - Antigone - Nov 22, 2020 - 9:31am
 
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Capital Punishment - R_P - Nov 21, 2020 - 4:11pm
 
THE SMITHS (THE BAND GOOD) - MORRISSEY (BAD) Discuss - sirdroseph - Nov 21, 2020 - 12:29pm
 
Play the Blues - sirdroseph - Nov 21, 2020 - 12:22pm
 
Republican Lies, Deceit and Hypocrisy - buddy - Nov 21, 2020 - 11:23am
 
Trump Lies - buddy - Nov 21, 2020 - 10:30am
 
Electronic Pest Control Devices - Do They Work? - miamizsun - Nov 21, 2020 - 10:01am
 
Great guitar faces - Red_Dragon - Nov 21, 2020 - 9:30am
 
Positive Thoughts and Prayer Requests - miamizsun - Nov 21, 2020 - 9:08am
 
A motivational quote - rhahl - Nov 21, 2020 - 7:54am
 
Bug Reports & Feature Requests - puntloos - Nov 21, 2020 - 6:22am
 
Dissociative Identity Disorder? - Ohmsen - Nov 21, 2020 - 4:52am
 
Amazing music to include - ScottFromWyoming - Nov 20, 2020 - 5:48pm
 
honk if you think manbird and OV are one and the same ent... - ScottFromWyoming - Nov 20, 2020 - 5:45pm
 
donation other than online? - BillG - Nov 20, 2020 - 12:50pm
 
Way Cool Video - miamizsun - Nov 20, 2020 - 11:07am
 
Guns - westslope - Nov 20, 2020 - 9:47am
 
Democratic Party - westslope - Nov 20, 2020 - 9:39am
 
Fado - Gs95045 - Nov 20, 2020 - 8:48am
 
Pernicious Pious Proclivities Particularized Prodigiously - haresfur - Nov 20, 2020 - 1:45am
 
KarmaKarma Sweepstakes - kcar - Nov 19, 2020 - 9:25pm
 
Anti-War - R_P - Nov 19, 2020 - 2:56pm
 
manbird's shoe size and earwax content - oldviolin - Nov 19, 2020 - 2:44pm
 
"Idiot America: How Stupidity Became a (Republican) Virt... - buddy - Nov 19, 2020 - 1:23pm
 
Maarjamaa - oldviolin - Nov 19, 2020 - 12:24pm
 
Astronomy! - Red_Dragon - Nov 19, 2020 - 10:02am
 
• • • BRING OUT YOUR DEAD • • •  - oldviolin - Nov 19, 2020 - 9:17am
 
For anybody who's always wanted a Humpback Whale Skeleton - oldviolin - Nov 19, 2020 - 8:27am
 
The war on funk is over! - Ohmsen - Nov 19, 2020 - 7:44am
 
Environment - oldviolin - Nov 19, 2020 - 7:33am
 
Those Lovable Policemen - Ohmsen - Nov 19, 2020 - 7:25am
 
Mixtape Culture Club - sirdroseph - Nov 19, 2020 - 4:06am
 
The Great Reset - Ohmsen - Nov 19, 2020 - 3:51am
 
HALF A WORLD - Manbird - Nov 18, 2020 - 5:23pm
 
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression - Manbird - Nov 18, 2020 - 5:17pm
 
Poetry Forum - ScottN - Nov 18, 2020 - 3:27pm
 
Last gas price paid? - ScottN - Nov 18, 2020 - 3:12pm
 
Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » Quotes: Your Favorite Comedians Page: Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
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phineas

phineas Avatar



Posted: May 10, 2009 - 2:38pm

 Hairfarmer wrote:
Ron White on an Atlanta morning show:

Ron - "Well, I live in California. I'm legal there. I'm a registered medical marijuana patient."
DJ -   "What condition do you have?"
Ron - "I get reeaally depressed...
when I run out of weed."
 
I've seriously considered asking my GP about what it takes to get a scrip.

Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: May 10, 2009 - 6:09am

Ron White on an Atlanta morning show:

Ron - "Well, I live in California. I'm legal there. I'm a registered medical marijuana patient."
DJ -   "What condition do you have?"
Ron - "I get reeaally depressed...
when I run out of weed."

OlderThanDirt

OlderThanDirt Avatar

Location: In Transit
Gender: Male


Posted: May 9, 2009 - 10:11pm

 smokinsean wrote:
"I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth."

-Bill hicks
 
I've had three doctors tell me I have to quit smoking.  Two of them are dead now, and the third one coughs a lot.

~George Burns

Sean-E-Sean

Sean-E-Sean Avatar

Location: Point Breeze


Posted: May 9, 2009 - 9:55pm

"I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth."

-Bill hicks

meower

meower Avatar

Location: i believe, i believe, it's silly, but I believe
Gender: Female


Posted: Dec 30, 2008 - 4:46pm

 smokinsean wrote:

...an alternate tag line perhaps...
 

 
Sean-E-Sean

Sean-E-Sean Avatar

Location: Point Breeze


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 8:57pm

 Xeric wrote:
Robin Williams, in a fine Shakespearian howl to hecklers: "Assholes, thou do vex me!"

For some reason, that often comes to mind in traffic. . . .  {#Lol}

 
...an alternate tag line perhaps...

ScottFromWyoming

ScottFromWyoming Avatar

Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 8:55pm

This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job, when he begins working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom seven-inch gangly wrench. Just then the little apprentice leans over and says "you can't work on a findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom seven-inch wrench!" Well this infuriated the supervisor so he goes and gets Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual. And he reads to him and says "The Langstrom 7" wrench CAN be used with the Findlay sprocket!" Just then the little apprentice leans over and says "It says 'SPROCKET' not 'SOCKET!"




Were those plumbers supposed to be here this show? Or...
Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 8:32pm

 Xeric wrote:
Robin Williams, in a fine Shakespearian howl to hecklers: "Assholes, thou do vex me!"

For some reason, that often comes to mind in traffic. . . .  {#Lol}

 

God, I GET so much more of that album then I did when I was 12.

"...Eve Ardin, arugh breep braugh."
Xeric

Xeric Avatar

Location: Montana
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 8:22pm

Robin Williams, in a fine Shakespearian howl to hecklers: "Assholes, thou do vex me!"

For some reason, that often comes to mind in traffic. . . .  {#Lol}
Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 6:43pm

She'll be sitting there, and I'll be driving, and she'll be with me. And she'll be making me so wonderfully... beautifully... fucking tense! That after a while, during the drive, you can feel your colon pop out of your ass, come up your back, and start twisting itself into a noose around your throat. Because why would you want to drive alone, like a masterbating loser, when you can have the woman next to you, pointing out shit she thinks you're just about to crash into? And making it all the more likely that you will crash the fucking car? 'Cause she keeps scaring the shit out of you by suddenly and out of nowhere making this noise:
<gasp>

- Richard Jeni

Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 5:38pm

"I read about it in Life, There were kids, nine and ten years old, sniffing aeroplane glue to get high on. These kids are responsible for turning musicians on a lot of things they never kew about man."

- Lenny Bruce
Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 5:01pm

"There's a big difference between a big piece of art with a little shit in the middle and a big piece of shit with a little art in the middle."
- Lenny Bruce


Red_Dragon

Red_Dragon Avatar



Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 4:52pm

 dionysius wrote:
Angry Heckler: "I'm a Christian, and I don't like what you just said."

Bill Hicks: "So forgive me."

 
bwahahahaha

Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 4:45pm

Patton Oswalt, about two years ago, here in Asheville:

"I hate Hippies! - slams mic stand down on stage for emphasis and accidentally breaks the mic stand -
"Damn! Sorry about your mic stand Jolli Rouge" (the club's name)

- holds up broken stand and yells towards Brian Poeshan(sp?) sitting at the bar -

"Hey Brian, look! I made my 'bend bars/lift gates' roll!"

- heavy laughter from only the 8 guys who get the reference (I actually guffawed) -

"Wow! you got that? Hey Brian! I outed the D&D geeks!"


dionysius

dionysius Avatar

Location: The People's Republic of Austin
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 4:27pm

Angry Heckler: "I'm a Christian, and I don't like what you just said."

Bill Hicks: "So forgive me."
K_Love

K_Love Avatar

Gender: Female


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 4:18pm

 Rod wrote:


You can find footage on youtube. His odd delivery was a large part of what made him so funny. I don't think he had a very long career before he died of a drug overdose.

 
Yeah, his delivery and the fact that he talks about the most random stuff made him brilliant.  It's sad that he departed during the height of his career. 

Rod

Rod Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 2:36pm

 phineas wrote:

Very funny! Thanks!
 
My pleaasure!
Kysmet, the donut thing is also my favorite!

phineas

phineas Avatar



Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 2:34pm

 Rod wrote:
Here is a sample of Mitch's work.


 
Very funny! Thanks!

Brother_Abel

Brother_Abel Avatar

Location: GRIM NORTHERN WASTES


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 12:00pm

Hal Roache.   (Irish Comic)

Live each day as if it's your last.





..one day you'll be right.
K_Love

K_Love Avatar

Gender: Female


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 11:54am

How funny...came here to post my favorite Mitch Hedberg joke and you guys have posted a bunch of 'em!  Here's my fave..

“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".'”


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