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Republican Party - Red_Dragon - May 13, 2021 - 5:34pm
 
Send support to RP in non-US currencies - westslope - May 13, 2021 - 4:33pm
 
Song of the Day - oldviolin - May 13, 2021 - 2:53pm
 
Trump - R_P - May 13, 2021 - 2:19pm
 
Latin Music - rhahl - May 13, 2021 - 2:17pm
 
Trump Lies™ - R_P - May 13, 2021 - 12:46pm
 
Radio Paradise Comments - GeneP59 - May 13, 2021 - 12:39pm
 
Baseball, anyone? - ScottFromWyoming - May 13, 2021 - 10:19am
 
MQA Stream Coming to BLUOS - Dan888 - May 13, 2021 - 10:09am
 
Last gas price paid? - Dan888 - May 13, 2021 - 10:07am
 
New Music - Proclivities - May 13, 2021 - 10:06am
 
Bitcoin - black321 - May 13, 2021 - 8:45am
 
Post your favorite 'You Tube' Videos Here - Red_Dragon - May 13, 2021 - 6:37am
 
COVID-19 - miamizsun - May 13, 2021 - 4:58am
 
Protest Songs - kurtster - May 12, 2021 - 9:30pm
 
Bad News / Good News - ScottFromWyoming - May 12, 2021 - 8:08pm
 
RP Daily Trivia Challenge - oldviolin - May 12, 2021 - 8:03pm
 
What other *streams* are you listening too? - Manbird - May 12, 2021 - 7:45pm
 
Electronic Music - Manbird - May 12, 2021 - 7:25pm
 
Things for which you would sell ManBird's soul - Manbird - May 12, 2021 - 6:55pm
 
Pernicious Pious Proclivities Particularized Prodigiously - R_P - May 12, 2021 - 6:47pm
 
Annoying stuff. not things that piss you off, just annoyi... - Manbird - May 12, 2021 - 6:38pm
 
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •  - Manbird - May 12, 2021 - 6:25pm
 
YouTube: Music-Videos - kurtster - May 12, 2021 - 6:02pm
 
Classical Music - Manbird - May 12, 2021 - 5:20pm
 
Climate Change - R_P - May 12, 2021 - 5:00pm
 
songs that ROCK! - oldviolin - May 12, 2021 - 4:55pm
 
Live Music - oldviolin - May 12, 2021 - 4:51pm
 
Steven Wilson - westslope - May 12, 2021 - 3:52pm
 
R&R Hall of Fame Show - haresfur - May 12, 2021 - 3:35pm
 
Billie Eilish on the cover of Vogue - westslope - May 12, 2021 - 3:32pm
 
the Todd Rundgren topic - steeler - May 12, 2021 - 3:04pm
 
Counting with Pictures - ScottN - May 12, 2021 - 2:51pm
 
Elbow - R_P - May 12, 2021 - 12:35pm
 
260,000 Posts in one thread? - NoEnzLefttoSplit - May 12, 2021 - 12:26pm
 
what the hell, miamizsun? - oldviolin - May 12, 2021 - 12:10pm
 
Today in History - cc_rider - May 12, 2021 - 10:33am
 
• • • BRING OUT YOUR DEAD • • •  - oldviolin - May 12, 2021 - 10:03am
 
Mixtape Culture Club - sirdroseph - May 12, 2021 - 7:09am
 
RP on Bluesound Node 2i (in the UK) - Dan888 - May 12, 2021 - 5:48am
 
PUNS- Political Punditry and so-called journalism - oldviolin - May 11, 2021 - 7:56pm
 
Name My Band - oldviolin - May 11, 2021 - 7:40pm
 
Military Matters - Red_Dragon - May 11, 2021 - 4:55pm
 
Strips, cartoons, illustrations - R_P - May 11, 2021 - 9:55am
 
Things You Thought Today - GeneP59 - May 11, 2021 - 8:48am
 
Dear BillG, - GeneP59 - May 11, 2021 - 8:38am
 
How big are the shirts? - Proclivities - May 11, 2021 - 8:28am
 
What are you doing RIGHT NOW? - kurtster - May 11, 2021 - 8:00am
 
Favorite Quotes - black321 - May 11, 2021 - 7:10am
 
Cell Phone Hell - Red_Dragon - May 11, 2021 - 6:28am
 
What is the meaning of this? - rhahl - May 11, 2021 - 5:53am
 
Dialing 1-800-Manbird - Manbird - May 10, 2021 - 7:59pm
 
Guns - R_P - May 10, 2021 - 4:47pm
 
Australia and New Zealand Music - haresfur - May 10, 2021 - 4:01pm
 
Good afternoon from the UK - Dan888 - May 10, 2021 - 10:25am
 
Jazz - Ohmsen - May 10, 2021 - 9:12am
 
Graphs, Charts & Maps - ScottFromWyoming - May 10, 2021 - 7:30am
 
Music documentaries - Ohmsen - May 10, 2021 - 7:21am
 
Any exotic birds in your back yard? - sunybuny - May 10, 2021 - 7:07am
 
What the hell OV? - GeneP59 - May 10, 2021 - 6:59am
 
Country Up The Bumpkin - rhahl - May 10, 2021 - 6:40am
 
Play the Blues - rhahl - May 10, 2021 - 6:29am
 
RP via Bluesound - Lagging - Dan888 - May 10, 2021 - 5:12am
 
Breaking News - oldviolin - May 9, 2021 - 9:47pm
 
Black lives matter .... to white police? - kurtster - May 9, 2021 - 3:48pm
 
Race in America - Coaxial - May 9, 2021 - 1:39pm
 
How's the weather? - JrzyTmata - May 9, 2021 - 10:58am
 
Got Road Rage? - Red_Dragon - May 9, 2021 - 8:08am
 
Surfing! - Proclivities - May 9, 2021 - 6:51am
 
Predictions - sirdroseph - May 9, 2021 - 6:21am
 
Photos you have taken of your walks or hikes. - KurtfromLaQuinta - May 8, 2021 - 8:53pm
 
how do you feel right now? - GeneP59 - May 8, 2021 - 3:44pm
 
Automobile Repair - westslope - May 8, 2021 - 9:52am
 
Tomato Gardens - GeneP59 - May 8, 2021 - 9:32am
 
The war on funk is over! - miamizsun - May 8, 2021 - 8:23am
 
Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » Quotes: Your Favorite Comedians Page: Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
Post to this Topic
ptooey

ptooey Avatar

Location: right behind you. no, over there.
Gender: Male


Posted: May 10, 2009 - 2:43pm

“I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens. It’s a strange piece of machinery . . . We will take the chicken, kill it, impale it, and then rotate it. And I’ll be damned if I’m not hungry! Because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water! I like dizzy chicken. With a side of potatoes of some sort.”

 

- Mitch Hedberg
phineas

phineas Avatar



Posted: May 10, 2009 - 2:38pm

 Hairfarmer wrote:
Ron White on an Atlanta morning show:

Ron - "Well, I live in California. I'm legal there. I'm a registered medical marijuana patient."
DJ -   "What condition do you have?"
Ron - "I get reeaally depressed...
when I run out of weed."
 
I've seriously considered asking my GP about what it takes to get a scrip.

Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: May 10, 2009 - 6:09am

Ron White on an Atlanta morning show:

Ron - "Well, I live in California. I'm legal there. I'm a registered medical marijuana patient."
DJ -   "What condition do you have?"
Ron - "I get reeaally depressed...
when I run out of weed."

OlderThanDirt

OlderThanDirt Avatar

Location: In Transit
Gender: Male


Posted: May 9, 2009 - 10:11pm

 smokinsean wrote:
"I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth."

-Bill hicks
 
I've had three doctors tell me I have to quit smoking.  Two of them are dead now, and the third one coughs a lot.

~George Burns

Sean-E-Sean

Sean-E-Sean Avatar

Location: Point Breeze


Posted: May 9, 2009 - 9:55pm

"I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth."

-Bill hicks

meower

meower Avatar

Location: i believe, i believe, it's silly, but I believe
Gender: Female


Posted: Dec 30, 2008 - 4:46pm

 smokinsean wrote:

...an alternate tag line perhaps...
 

 
Sean-E-Sean

Sean-E-Sean Avatar

Location: Point Breeze


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 8:57pm

 Xeric wrote:
Robin Williams, in a fine Shakespearian howl to hecklers: "Assholes, thou do vex me!"

For some reason, that often comes to mind in traffic. . . .  {#Lol}

 
...an alternate tag line perhaps...

ScottFromWyoming

ScottFromWyoming Avatar

Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 8:55pm

This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job, when he begins working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom seven-inch gangly wrench. Just then the little apprentice leans over and says "you can't work on a findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom seven-inch wrench!" Well this infuriated the supervisor so he goes and gets Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual. And he reads to him and says "The Langstrom 7" wrench CAN be used with the Findlay sprocket!" Just then the little apprentice leans over and says "It says 'SPROCKET' not 'SOCKET!"




Were those plumbers supposed to be here this show? Or...
Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 8:32pm

 Xeric wrote:
Robin Williams, in a fine Shakespearian howl to hecklers: "Assholes, thou do vex me!"

For some reason, that often comes to mind in traffic. . . .  {#Lol}

 

God, I GET so much more of that album then I did when I was 12.

"...Eve Ardin, arugh breep braugh."
Xeric

Xeric Avatar

Location: Montana
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 8:22pm

Robin Williams, in a fine Shakespearian howl to hecklers: "Assholes, thou do vex me!"

For some reason, that often comes to mind in traffic. . . .  {#Lol}
Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 6:43pm

She'll be sitting there, and I'll be driving, and she'll be with me. And she'll be making me so wonderfully... beautifully... fucking tense! That after a while, during the drive, you can feel your colon pop out of your ass, come up your back, and start twisting itself into a noose around your throat. Because why would you want to drive alone, like a masterbating loser, when you can have the woman next to you, pointing out shit she thinks you're just about to crash into? And making it all the more likely that you will crash the fucking car? 'Cause she keeps scaring the shit out of you by suddenly and out of nowhere making this noise:
<gasp>

- Richard Jeni

Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 5:38pm

"I read about it in Life, There were kids, nine and ten years old, sniffing aeroplane glue to get high on. These kids are responsible for turning musicians on a lot of things they never kew about man."

- Lenny Bruce
Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 5:01pm

"There's a big difference between a big piece of art with a little shit in the middle and a big piece of shit with a little art in the middle."
- Lenny Bruce


Red_Dragon

Red_Dragon Avatar



Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 4:52pm

 dionysius wrote:
Angry Heckler: "I'm a Christian, and I don't like what you just said."

Bill Hicks: "So forgive me."

 
bwahahahaha

Hairfarmer

Hairfarmer Avatar

Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby.
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 4:45pm

Patton Oswalt, about two years ago, here in Asheville:

"I hate Hippies! - slams mic stand down on stage for emphasis and accidentally breaks the mic stand -
"Damn! Sorry about your mic stand Jolli Rouge" (the club's name)

- holds up broken stand and yells towards Brian Poeshan(sp?) sitting at the bar -

"Hey Brian, look! I made my 'bend bars/lift gates' roll!"

- heavy laughter from only the 8 guys who get the reference (I actually guffawed) -

"Wow! you got that? Hey Brian! I outed the D&D geeks!"


dionysius

dionysius Avatar

Location: The People's Republic of Austin
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 4:27pm

Angry Heckler: "I'm a Christian, and I don't like what you just said."

Bill Hicks: "So forgive me."
K_Love

K_Love Avatar

Gender: Female


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 4:18pm

 Rod wrote:


You can find footage on youtube. His odd delivery was a large part of what made him so funny. I don't think he had a very long career before he died of a drug overdose.

 
Yeah, his delivery and the fact that he talks about the most random stuff made him brilliant.  It's sad that he departed during the height of his career. 

Rod

Rod Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 2:36pm

 phineas wrote:

Very funny! Thanks!
 
My pleaasure!
Kysmet, the donut thing is also my favorite!

phineas

phineas Avatar



Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 2:34pm

 Rod wrote:
Here is a sample of Mitch's work.


 
Very funny! Thanks!

Brother_Abel

Brother_Abel Avatar

Location: GRIM NORTHERN WASTES


Posted: Dec 17, 2008 - 12:00pm

Hal Roache.   (Irish Comic)

Live each day as if it's your last.





..one day you'll be right.
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