Mayor Pete Platitude Generator

h/t to sfw and steel panther...

 Steely_D wrote: 

via GIPHY

 Red_Dragon wrote: 

Prankster Replaces Pet Names With New Labels In Local Pet Store

 SeriousLee wrote: 

      

 SeriousLee wrote:
 
It's so cute how y'all love each other... the inner group... you're lucky to have such friendships. You'll need them when you're older.

 triskele wrote:
 

Red_Dragon finding a can of pringles in his stocking, and eating them before breakfast.  

The sound of a tiny kitten running madly around on hard wood floors.

 ScottFromWyoming wrote:
 

 ScottFromWyoming wrote: 
First LOL of the day!

Flight Attendant Annoyed By Lizzo Attempting To Stuff Giant Inflatable Ass Into Overhead Compartment

But in the FB comments, "Air Force One makes it look so easy."

A drunk guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads "win $500" hanging on the wall. He asks the bartender, "how do I win $500?"

The bartender says, "see that bouncer over there?" The drunk guy turns to look and sees the biggest, scariest-looking beast of a man standing next to the door. "Yeah," he says. The bartender says, "you have to go over there and knock him out with one punch." "Then I win $500?" the drunk guy asks. "Not quite," says the bartender.

"You see that other door over there? Outside that door is a mean hungry rabid rottweiler with an abscessed tooth. You have to go out there and pull that tooth out." "Then I win $500?" the drunk guy asks. "Not quite," says the bartender.

"After that, you have to go up those stairs and three doors down on the left. Inside that room is an 89-year-old lady who hasn't gotten laid in 50 years. It's up to you to show her a good time." "THEN I get the $500?" the guy asks. "Yep," says the bartender.

The guy ponders this challenge for a moment, then gets up, stumbles over to the bouncer. He balls up his fist and, incredibly, knocks the huge man out with one hit.

He then stumbles to the door and goes outside to where the dog is being kept. Growls and snarls mix chaotically with yelling and screaming until the door finally opens and the drunk guy staggers back into the bar. His clothes are tattered and dirty, his hair is matted with sweat and blood, his face and arms are scratched and bleeding.

He looks up at the bartender and says, "alright, now where's that lady who needs a tooth pulled?"

THIS makes me laugh.


https://genius.com/James-m-kauffman-an-open-letter-to-dr-laura-schlesinger-annotated

 ScottFromWyoming wrote:
 
No I did not. I'm a little cranky with Beartrap lately.