Pat and Mick were sworn enemies, and the slightest wrong word was sure to set them off. As luck would have it, they both ended up at the local barbershop at the same time.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start any conversation, worried Pat and Mick would wreck the place.
When the barber working on Pat finished his shave, he reached for the aftershave.
Pat said, “No aftershave — my wife will smell it and think I’ve been inside a brothel.”
The other barber turned to Mick and asked, “How about you, Mick? Do you want aftershave?”
“Sure, go ahead,” said Mick.
“My wife doesn’t know what the inside of a brothel smells like.”

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things…

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a six-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5.. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “Well no! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!”

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.. 

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" 

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in  Boston " 

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. 

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." 

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?" 

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. 

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men ofJewish descent who are the best. 

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the SouthernRedneck." 

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.." 

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.. 

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" 

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in  Boston " 

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. 

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." 

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?" 

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. 

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men ofJewish descent who are the best. 

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the SouthernRedneck." 

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.." 

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."