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Behold the National Security Strategy from less than four months ago:
âThe days in which the Middle East dominated American foreign policy in both long-term planning and day-to-day execution are thankfully overânot because the Middle East no longer matters, but because it is no longer the constant irritant, and potential source of imminent catastrophe, that it once was. It is rather emerging as a place of partnership, friendship, and investment.â
âConflict remains the Middle Eastâs most troublesome dynamic, but there is today less to this problem than headlines might lead one to believe. Iranâthe regionâs chief destabilizing forceâhas been greatly weakened by Israeli actions since October 7, 2023, and President Trumpâs June 2025 Operation Midnight Hammer, which significantly degraded Iranâs nuclear program.â
âWe should encourage and applaud reform when and where it emerges organically, without trying to impose it from without. The key to successful relations with the Middle East is accepting the region, its leaders, and its nations as they are while working together on areas of common interest.â
The White House has defended strikes on Iran, stating that the countryâs leaders are âpaying for their crimes against America.â The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding President Trumpâs war.
MYTH: As commander-in-chief, Trump has the authority to take military action.
FACT: It is unconstitutional for a U.S. president to declare war without the approval of the Knesset.
MYTH: These strikes could lead to a long war.
FACT: It depends how many decades you consider âlong.â
MYTH: God anointed Donald Trump to wage war on Iran.
FACT: God anointed Donald Trump to cut funding to Sesame Street.
MYTH: A war between the U.S. and Iran is necessary for Jesus Christ to return in glory.
FACT: Jesus is holding out until Paraguay and Kyrgyzstan finally go at it.
MYTH: These attacks will lead to retaliatory strikes on U.S. citizens.
FACT: Wait, shit, really?
MYTH: These strikes will diminish Americaâs standing on the world stage.
FACT: Hey, if they were still with us up until now, God bless.
The White House has defended strikes on Iran, stating that the countryâs leaders are âpaying for their crimes against America.â The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding President Trumpâs war.
MYTH: As commander-in-chief, Trump has the authority to take military action.
FACT: It is unconstitutional for a U.S. president to declare war without the approval of the Knesset.
MYTH: These strikes could lead to a long war.
FACT: It depends how many decades you consider âlong.â
MYTH: God anointed Donald Trump to wage war on Iran.
FACT: God anointed Donald Trump to cut funding to Sesame Street.
MYTH: A war between the U.S. and Iran is necessary for Jesus Christ to return in glory.
FACT: Jesus is holding out until Paraguay and Kyrgyzstan finally go at it.
MYTH: These attacks will lead to retaliatory strikes on U.S. citizens.
FACT: Wait, shit, really?
MYTH: These strikes will diminish Americaâs standing on the world stage.
FACT: Hey, if they were still with us up until now, God bless.
I could ask Marco, but I thought we were going to have a situation where we were going to be attacked. They were getting ready to attack Israel. They were getting ready to attack
Even worse...
Translation: "Because I (we) have no goddam idea what we're doing."
I could ask Marco, but I thought we were going to have a situation where we were going to be attacked. They were getting ready to attack Israel. They were getting ready to attack
< to keep from crying