[ ]   [ ]   [ ]                        [ ]      [ ]   [ ]

Things You Thought Today - BlueHeronDruid - Sep 19, 2020 - 12:59am
 
The Obituary Page - Steely_D - Sep 18, 2020 - 11:07pm
 
Looting & vandalism isn't protest - Steely_D - Sep 18, 2020 - 11:03pm
 
2020 Elections - kcar - Sep 18, 2020 - 9:28pm
 
Thank you, Bug. - kurtster - Sep 18, 2020 - 7:53pm
 
Canada - R_P - Sep 18, 2020 - 7:37pm
 
Tech & Science - R_P - Sep 18, 2020 - 6:20pm
 
China - R_P - Sep 18, 2020 - 5:57pm
 
COVID-19 - kcar - Sep 18, 2020 - 4:18pm
 
Trump - Red_Dragon - Sep 18, 2020 - 2:16pm
 
Mixtape Culture Club - miamizsun - Sep 18, 2020 - 2:05pm
 
Gotta Get Your Drink On - miamizsun - Sep 18, 2020 - 1:59pm
 
Radio Paradise Comments - katzendogs - Sep 18, 2020 - 1:36pm
 
Lyrics that strike a chord today... - black321 - Sep 18, 2020 - 11:45am
 
Bad Poetry - oldviolin - Sep 18, 2020 - 11:05am
 
Private messages in a public forum - oldviolin - Sep 18, 2020 - 10:21am
 
honk if you think manbird and OV are one and the same ent... - oldviolin - Sep 18, 2020 - 10:14am
 
Buddy's Haven - oldviolin - Sep 18, 2020 - 9:14am
 
What The Hell Buddy? - oldviolin - Sep 18, 2020 - 8:10am
 
Drop the Puck! NHL Lockout Ends! - black321 - Sep 18, 2020 - 6:06am
 
Today in History - Ohmsen - Sep 18, 2020 - 5:26am
 
Climate Change - kcar - Sep 18, 2020 - 3:40am
 
Anti-War - Ohmsen - Sep 18, 2020 - 12:11am
 
Bug Reports & Feature Requests - gtufano - Sep 17, 2020 - 11:36pm
 
Cryptic Posts - Leave Them Guessing - oldviolin - Sep 17, 2020 - 9:04pm
 
Signs o' the Apocalypse in the news... - Steely_D - Sep 17, 2020 - 6:57pm
 
Soliciting ideas to bring about a more humane world - miamizsun - Sep 17, 2020 - 5:06pm
 
Strips, cartoons, illustrations - Red_Dragon - Sep 17, 2020 - 4:36pm
 
Rock Movies/Documentaries - Steely_D - Sep 17, 2020 - 1:39pm
 
Favorite Quotes - oldviolin - Sep 17, 2020 - 12:06pm
 
HALF A WORLD - oldviolin - Sep 17, 2020 - 11:57am
 
What are you listening to now? - oldviolin - Sep 17, 2020 - 11:53am
 
Live Music - oldviolin - Sep 17, 2020 - 11:49am
 
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •  - oldviolin - Sep 17, 2020 - 11:43am
 
Name My Band - oldviolin - Sep 17, 2020 - 11:39am
 
Women in the World - miamizsun - Sep 17, 2020 - 11:02am
 
More Stuff Schlabby Doesn't Do - oldviolin - Sep 17, 2020 - 9:57am
 
Nina Simone... - Proclivities - Sep 17, 2020 - 8:42am
 
Brass Against? - jamesat43 - Sep 17, 2020 - 8:13am
 
Helpful emergency signs - Proclivities - Sep 17, 2020 - 7:38am
 
Counting with Pictures - Proclivities - Sep 17, 2020 - 6:59am
 
Radio Paradise NFL Pick'em Group - Proclivities - Sep 17, 2020 - 6:39am
 
Breaking Bad - sirdroseph - Sep 17, 2020 - 5:55am
 
Economix - R_P - Sep 16, 2020 - 11:56pm
 
Trump Lies - R_P - Sep 16, 2020 - 9:05pm
 
260,000 Posts in one thread? - oldviolin - Sep 16, 2020 - 8:22pm
 
Environment - R_P - Sep 16, 2020 - 5:33pm
 
Baseball, anyone? - kcar - Sep 16, 2020 - 5:29pm
 
Fires - haresfur - Sep 16, 2020 - 5:07pm
 
Those Lovable Policemen - Steely_D - Sep 16, 2020 - 5:01pm
 
Annoying stuff. not things that piss you off, just annoyi... - Steely_D - Sep 16, 2020 - 12:47pm
 
Facebook Tips - ScottFromWyoming - Sep 16, 2020 - 9:32am
 
Silence? - ScottFromWyoming - Sep 16, 2020 - 9:28am
 
Regarding cats - sirdroseph - Sep 16, 2020 - 8:42am
 
Is there any GOOD news out there? - kcar - Sep 16, 2020 - 4:24am
 
Trade War - R_P - Sep 15, 2020 - 8:13pm
 
Outstanding Covers - Ohmsen - Sep 15, 2020 - 2:20pm
 
• • • What Makes You Happy? • • •  - Antigone - Sep 15, 2020 - 11:46am
 
Play the Blues - sirdroseph - Sep 15, 2020 - 5:47am
 
Strange signs, marquees, billboards, etc. - haresfur - Sep 14, 2020 - 6:51pm
 
punk? hip-hop? metal? noise? garage? - rhahl - Sep 14, 2020 - 2:02pm
 
Geeky Jokes - Proclivities - Sep 14, 2020 - 1:11pm
 
Guns - R_P - Sep 14, 2020 - 12:44pm
 
Help Wanted! - ScottFromWyoming - Sep 14, 2020 - 9:57am
 
hurricane relief - miamizsun - Sep 14, 2020 - 9:31am
 
You really put butter on the hot dog? - ScottFromWyoming - Sep 14, 2020 - 8:56am
 
Bear! - Ohmsen - Sep 14, 2020 - 7:37am
 
YouTube: Music-Videos - R_P - Sep 13, 2020 - 9:53pm
 
Calling DIY'ers... in re: electrical wiring... - kcar - Sep 13, 2020 - 5:49pm
 
Commercializing Facebook - Ohmsen - Sep 13, 2020 - 11:14am
 
All Dogs Go To Heaven - Dog Pix - Coaxial - Sep 13, 2020 - 10:29am
 
Movie rental suggestions & reviews - Netflix or Blockbuster - Ohmsen - Sep 13, 2020 - 7:45am
 
TV shows you watch - Ohmsen - Sep 13, 2020 - 6:23am
 
Vinyl Only Spin List - kurtster - Sep 12, 2020 - 10:14pm
 
RP in the uk - BillG - Sep 12, 2020 - 6:53pm
 
Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » LOVIN The ONION Page: 1, 2, 3  Next
Post to this Topic
ScottFromWyoming

ScottFromWyoming Avatar

Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 15, 2020 - 6:59am

I had a friend in high school (I'm so tempted to tag him on FB) who did exactly this: tib/fib breaks on both legs.

Nation’s Idiots Announce Plans To Jump Off Their Roofs Into A Pile Of Snow And Break Their Fucking Legs

Popular Deals on The Inventory1/14/19 9:57AM•SEE MORE:WEATHER




CARBONDALE, IL—Stating their dumbass intentions to get a running start and scream “cowabunga,” the nation’s idiots announced plans Monday to jump off their roofs into a pile of snow and break their fucking legs. “We dunces stand on our roof gutters today, fully prepared to jump 20 feet to the ground and straight into a mountain of powder that we assume will break our fall, but almost certainly will cause our bones to crack,” said 29-year-old dipshit Lyle Bennett, one of thousands of morons nationwide who will snap their limbs in motherfucking half after trying out a backflip, slipping on a roof tile, or doing a pencil dive and holding their nose as if going into a pool. “We will, of course, ask our idiot friend if he’s filming yet before we plunge down and shatter our arms, legs, and necks in one fell swoop. Consequently, you should expect us to repeatedly show our broken bones to the camera, flailing them around and freaking everyone the fuck out.” The nation’s buddies added that they promise to put the whole thing on YouTube, including the part where they simultaneously yell out “Are you okay, dude?”

Red_Dragon

Red_Dragon Avatar



Posted: Jul 13, 2016 - 9:40am

Regular On Sandy Hook Truth Forum Complaining About Recent Decline In Quality Of Discussion
ScottFromWyoming

ScottFromWyoming Avatar

Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 5:16pm

 ScottN wrote:

Have a Plan B.

 

ScottN

ScottN Avatar

Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 4:29pm

 Red_Dragon wrote:
My horoscope:

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Try and get back to basics this week. Learning to dress yourself, brush your teeth, and eat with utensils would be a good place to start.


I am with Bokey.  Get the proper support marshaled around you, concentrate well, make your best effort...and then perhaps you can do this! {#War}

Have a Plan B.
bokey

bokey Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 3:04pm

 Isabeau wrote:

{#Meditate}

 
You can do this.
Isabeau

Isabeau Avatar

Location: sou' tex
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 1:55pm

 Red_Dragon wrote:
My horoscope:

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Try and get back to basics this week. Learning to dress yourself, brush your teeth, and eat with utensils would be a good place to start.

 
{#Meditate}
Red_Dragon

Red_Dragon Avatar



Posted: Oct 20, 2015 - 10:06am

My horoscope:

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Try and get back to basics this week. Learning to dress yourself, brush your teeth, and eat with utensils would be a good place to start.


sirdroseph

sirdroseph Avatar

Location: Yes
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 22, 2015 - 12:12pm

Spoof made real: The Onion jokes on US offering missiles to Israel, turns out true


oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 16, 2013 - 4:22pm

 meower wrote:


Report: You Live In An Embarrassing Country
WASHINGTON—According to a new report published Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, you live in a deeply embarrassing and barely functional country. “Our latest research and statistical analysis shows that you are currently the citizen of an objectively humiliating nation wreathed in a miasma of pettiness, sloth, rank stupidity, and failure,” the report read in part, adding that this—this goddamned disgrace of a culture and system of government, if that’s what you call whatever the hell this is—is where you live, where you are from, and where you will likely die. “Decline and dysfunction are currently the first things people across the world think of when they hear the name of your place of origin, and, by association, these are the first words that would come to mind when they think of you as well.” The report concluded that there isn’t a whole hell of a lot you can do about it either.



 
 turn off your devices / don't believe the hype {#Wink}{#Good-vibes}
meower

meower Avatar

Location: i believe, i believe, it's silly, but I believe
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 16, 2013 - 2:48pm


Report: You Live In An Embarrassing Country
WASHINGTON—According to a new report published Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, you live in a deeply embarrassing and barely functional country. “Our latest research and statistical analysis shows that you are currently the citizen of an objectively humiliating nation wreathed in a miasma of pettiness, sloth, rank stupidity, and failure,” the report read in part, adding that this—this goddamned disgrace of a culture and system of government, if that’s what you call whatever the hell this is—is where you live, where you are from, and where you will likely die. “Decline and dysfunction are currently the first things people across the world think of when they hear the name of your place of origin, and, by association, these are the first words that would come to mind when they think of you as well.” The report concluded that there isn’t a whole hell of a lot you can do about it either.


bokey

bokey Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 3, 2013 - 6:20pm

 Prodigal_SOB wrote:

 They now have some some competition.   The stories would be almost as funny if it weren't for them being true.

 
Just saw this. This has become one scary country in the last decade or so. When I was a kid, people could believe in America. After the Bush/Cheney devastation and the knife in the back follow up guy, it makes me wanna puke.


Isabeau

Isabeau Avatar

Location: sou' tex
Gender: Female


Posted: Jul 3, 2013 - 3:31pm

 miamizsun wrote: 
{#Roflol}  . . . PRINCETON, NJ—The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought . . .
miamizsun

miamizsun Avatar

Location: (3261.3 Miles SE of RP)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 3, 2013 - 1:19pm

zomg!
Prodigal_SOB

Prodigal_SOB Avatar

Location: Back Home Again in Indiana
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 24, 2013 - 2:49pm


 They now have some some competition.   The stories would be almost as funny if it weren't for them being true.
ScottFromWyoming

ScottFromWyoming Avatar

Location: Powell
Gender: Male


Posted: Nov 27, 2012 - 1:35pm

Kim Jong Un named Sexiest Man Alive or not.
n4ku

n4ku Avatar



Posted: Nov 22, 2009 - 8:47am



Sean-E-Sean

Sean-E-Sean Avatar

Location: Point Breeze


Posted: Mar 3, 2009 - 11:47am

...embed files that play automatically suck...even if they are about ninja parades...HA!...
ScopArch

ScopArch Avatar

Location: Taking a break
Gender: Male


Posted: Mar 3, 2009 - 11:44am

Obama' s First 100 Days courtesy of the Onion

*

DAY 40: President Obama forwards the link to the new Star Trek movie trailer to the entire staff. Again.
*

DAY 39: The Obamas sit silently around their Camp David dining table because Malia forgot to pack Scattergories.
*

DAY 38: Uruguayan Ambassador left in blue room all day.
*

DAY 37: The West Wing staff enjoys two dozen boxes of Nilla Wafers courtesy of Nabisco after Obama mentions them in a speech.
*

DAY 36: Realizing there are 489 people working in the West Wing, Rahm Emanuel tells his secretary to stop buying cupcakes for everybody's birthday.
*

DAY 35: Negotiations between the House and Senate versions of the DC Voting Rights bill nearly break down when Senator Arlen Specter insists on keeping his doodle of a three-legged pony in the bill.
*

DAY 34: During a difficult moment of a televised address, President Obama debuts the evil-looking sock puppet that will speak on all unpopular matters from now on.
*

DAY 33: President Obama still hasn't updated his Twitter account, leaving millions of tweeple tweet-deprived for over a month.
*

DAY 32: Vice-President Joe Biden curses HotGunner79 for outbidding him at last minute on 1970's Navy bomber jacket.
*

DAY 31: White House Intern David Kimball decides delivering memos to Robert Gibbs counts as "managing critical White House messaging initiatives key to furthering the president's agenda."
*

DAY 30: At 3 a.m., President Obama sends Judd Gregg a group photo of his Cabinet, just so he knows what he's missing.
*

DAY 29: A nervous Canada accidentally offers to be annexed during Obama's first foreign visit.
*

DAY 28: Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's wife has taken to calling him the Trillion Dollar Man during sex.
*

DAY 27: Interior Secretary Ken Salazar is still feeling out the White House policy on nudity.
*

DAY 26: After receiving the fifth gift of its kind in as many weeks, Obama half-heartedly nails another African mask to the Oval Office wall.
*

DAY 25: Obama enjoys a quiet, candlelight dinner with Michelle and South Korean Prime Minister Han Seung-soo.
*

DAY 24: President Obama asks the visiting Estonian president if he wouldn't mind pretending to be Vladimir Putin for a second so he can practice for the Russian prime minister's big visit tomorrow.
*

DAY 23: Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano awkwardly enters the Oval Office while President Obama is doing his Napolitano impersonation.
*

DAY 22: President Obama asks aides to alert him immediately if the Mutant Registration Act is introduced in Congress.
*

DAY 21: For the third time, the Joint Chiefs of Staff ask President Obama not to leave fantasy miniatures on war map.
*

DAY 20: Joe Biden clears his schedule to oversee the installation of four video poker machines in the Naval Observatory.
*

DAY 19: After a tense afternoon holed up in the Situation Room, President Obama finally locates that old pack of Lyndon Johnson's Benson & Hedges.
*

DAY 18: In one of many historic firsts, Barack Obama becomes the first black president to TiVo MythBusters.
*

DAY 17: Hillary Clinton meets with Haitian president René Préval, who demands U.S. provide Haiti a sandwich by 2010.
*

DAY 16: Obama's "First 100 Days Dilbert Desk Calendar" still on day five.
*

DAY 15: Eighty-eight-year-old Justice John Paul Stevens informs the Obama administration of his decision to die in office, effective Mar. 1.
*

DAY 14: Taco Tuesday
*

DAY 13: President Obama meets with Vermont governor Jim Douglas and is saddened to find that he is not the creator of Garfield.
*

DAY 12: A nice little lazy Sunday for the president. Maybe read a book, watch a movie, whatever.
*

DAY 11: Director of the White House Office of Management and Budget reads former director of the White House Office of Management and Budget's memoirs.
*

DAY 10: Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Donovan wonders if they mean "urban" like "city" or "urban" like "black."
*

DAY 9: Impressionist Rich Little sits in a bathrobe on the floor of his one-bedroom apartment trying to figure out how to say "I am not a crook" like Barack Obama.
*

DAY 8: Rahm Emanuel's "open door" policy is severely tested by political director Patrick Gaspard's repeated claims that someone is taking Splenda packets from the jar on his desk.
*

DAY 7: After figuring out a comprehensive solution for the economic crisis in a dream, President Obama issues an executive order requisitioning a fleet of freight liners and 147,000 tons of eggplant.
*

DAY 6: Joe Biden spends the day sitting on a couch in the Oval Office, saying he "just wants to watch."
*

DAY 5: Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack spends another day worried that his unanimous confirmation means people have forgotten what a hell-raiser he was as mayor of Mount Pleasant, IA.
*

DAY 4: Former treasury secretary Henry Paulson is discovered sleeping next to the boiler in the White House basement.
*

DAY 3: Obama takes a few minutes to fill out the change of address card for his Popular Mechanics subscription.
*

DAY 2: Suddenly everyone in the Roosevelt Room looks around and realizes: yes, this will be the seating arrangement for the next four years.
*

DAY 1: In one of his first acts as president, Obama begins the process of closing down the CIA prisons that he knows about.




ScopArch

ScopArch Avatar

Location: Taking a break
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 27, 2009 - 2:25am


NoEnzLefttoSplit

NoEnzLefttoSplit Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 27, 2009 - 1:23am

 futureattyonli wrote:
One of the proudest moments of my life was getting on the air when the editor of the Onion was on NPR a few years ago.  Listeners of the show were invited to call in and propose headlines to have stories written about.  I was actually able to make her laugh by proposing "Supreme Court Rules Mafia Hiring Practices Discriminatory."

And it's all been downhill for my life since then. lol

 


Page: 1, 2, 3  Next